Collective Tale 2 is a remake of FuriousTH's earlier Collective Tale started by Technochips shortly after the #shameless-chamber Chronicles was finished. It has all of the same rules, but an ever so slightly different player-base. It's also way better.
Note that the below compilation has paragraph breaks in different places.
- 1 Abridged Version
- 2 Bootleg Arc
- 3 Puppeteer Arc
- 4 Arc 3
3 mouse bones magically come to life and use a magical artifact called the Boot-leg, the last of the 7 Grand Relics, to make a bootleg rainstorm, so the witches of Luna Nova (though functionally closer to the Bureau of Balance from The Adventure Zone) commission Akko, Lotte and Sucy (from the anime Little With Academia) to destroy the Boot-leg, but Lotte doesn't go. The world then gets stuck in a time loop because I LÖVE LUA forgot how to play the game properly. After a couple time loops, a random blast of time-travelling magic causes Akko to be sent to another planet millions of years in the past.
On the foreign planet, Akko battles Jorichi and wins. Then a magical time-portal appears in front of her. It takes her to a theater showing Tremors, but with all the horses mysteriously absent. This freaks Akko out, so she calls a taxi to get away. Then another person gets into the taxi and initiates a cliché taxi pursuit scene. Eventually, Akko sick of the chase scene and leaves. She then goes to the middle of nowhere and plays the Portal series for the first time.
Akko utilizes a random time-portal, a Cory Doctorow and the time-loop to save Sucy, who's now with her. Back at the academy, Lotte is still trying to get out of the loop. Akko and Sucy anger a whole Old Western town full of monkeys playing billiards with small monkeys in gachapon balls. The monkeys trap them inside Super Monkey Ball-like tracks, which Akko completely ignores and escapes with Sucy to a more accurate interpretation of Little Witch Academia. Lotte saves them through time and they discover that the Rum-Runner Wand (Lotte's device) is a Relic. They get the next relic, which is bag of chips and/or a packet of uncooked ramen that is unstable because Technochips and TurretBot fight for the narrative. They go to the next relics' dimension, a world full of Hot Pocket animals.
A brief segment near the beginning of the page alludes to a greater universe, with an unidentified first-person character being Collective Tale 2's author.
Akko & co. get the Relic, a Tetrimino, while also wrecking a Russian worker's place. It is then revealed that the penultimate Relic is actually Akko herself. The Russian worker comes back and combines all the Relics, including Akko, turning her into the Boot-Leg.
The Boot-Leg then starts destroying every incarnation of Luna Nova, the New Moon across all dimensions, which starts a battle with every Akko, Lotte, and Sucy. Eventually, the Russian worker gets turned into mice, and The Boot-Leg killed gets shot and collapses, and Akko loses her leg. They upload Akko's mind into an alternate-universe version of herself, and make it back home, contriving the 7 Grand Relics to look like their history.
The mouse bones from the beginning are then revealed to be the Russian worker after being transformed into mice, then turned undead by Jorichi. Eventually, Luna Nova, the New Moon drifts under the bootleg rain cloud created by the mouse bones, and they summon bootleg versions of the Reclaimers from The Adventure Zone, who are defeated by a clumsy segue about night sharks.
Finally, the three witches face off against the mouse bones themselves. They are taken down quite easily, but upon their death, they take over a dead version of Akko and transform into the Russian worker. When things look bleak, Akko casts a spell to stop time and (partially) take control of Lotte. She then decapitates the Russian worker, and Akko rests.
The story once again shifts to Collective Tale 2's author. He reflects on how his writing has improved since the beginning of the story and how he is proud of the story he created. After that, he decides to start a new story.
A skeletal warrior named Billy comes about TurretBot's rat problem in a reference to The Elder Scrolls.
He defeats an abomination of a rat that was controlling some furries, and has a brief discussion about the drink "..." from the previous story. Turret then tries to trap Billy inside the game "Monopoly: Capitalist Hellscape Edition", but fails, so he uses portals to collapse him into the Noid Void. Billy then has an allergic reaction to sand that shouldn't be there, and hallucinates a court case with the entire bean-producing industry after tripping over a can of bean. He awoke in the home of a substitute knowledgeable person, who gave him a robe to protect him from sand, and sent him to acquire the souls of the three lords
The Noid then threw Skinner's pizza out the window, then ran off and got crushed by a caramel truck. This left a vacancy for Domino's Pizza's mascot, which Will Smith eventually filled, until he met a Skeleton and a guy named You. Billy then insulated the floor with darkness, and You changed his name to T. Will Smith escaped while they were distracted by some nonsense TV, but the giant apple he fled to was infested with headcrabs. Smith swap teleported with Billy, who exterminated the apple and was awarded a "million dollar" by Monika. Billy decided to relax, and took a plane trip to Svalbard, Norway, when his plane was highjacked by Chuck Sucks.
Chuck Sucks is revealed to have been working for Jimothy from the #shameless-chamber chronicles, and Billy accidentally crashes the plane. He awakens in an infirmary under Jimothy's control. He challenged Billy to a duel, then left, allowing Billy to see a strange monster in a back room and reunite with T. Billy assumes his rotten luck was a hex put on him by the rat at the beginning, called a "puppeteer mouse". Meanwhile, someone publishes a book on Collective Tale 2, then dies from a tumor caused by the Blue Portals Research Facility's negligence. They get attacked by spies from Aperture, who set down a strange creature, and Jimothy wanders in, then drinks a strange botion that brings back the Russian worker from the first story. Meanwhile, Cave Johnson died and was made into a scarecrow.
A battle then ensues because the scarecrows smell attracts people who pronounce gif like jif. Two people named John Freeman & Slippery Boi to defeat the jiffers. Then some rats appear with multiple striped tales, who then impale their head with said tails. A scientist hiding under a nearby desk calls the rats "Puppeteer Mice" despite actually being rats. The scientist attempts to save the two heroes but ultimately dies with them, because Monika glitches the story to self-insert herself to be with Billy. Monika is discovered by a worker sent from another facility to investigate, who escorts her out of the building after doing some investigating. 5 days later: the building gets destroyed and it's learned that Billy and T have won Jimothy's duel, only to return 5 days later (Now being said 5 days). They are both walking through an alleyway where T gets a puppeteer mouse's tail removed from his head by Billy. Later they meet Monika, who attempts to do some narration, and get some weaponry to do battle with Jimothy, they begin walking and find a car. T drives for 2 hours back to the compound where Jimothy resides. They meet up with the tetris man that Jimothy summoned and continue through the complex. The group is seperated so Billy has to fight Jimothy with the Tetris worker. It is discovered that Jimothy wants Billy killed because he killed Jimothy's brother. A giant door opens revealing Jimothy's new army.
Billy realizes that the army is being controlled by puppeteer mice, and Jimothy, the leader, being controlled by one as well. Billy and the Tetris Worker escape, only to fall down the trapdoors again so they catch up with Monika and T. The room begins to close in on them, but T uses electricity powers to stop the machine and open a door. The scene shifts to two witches who came to clean Phobos of it's dust. Monika interrupts slightly with more narration, and explains to billy where the witches are from. Billy hears from the witches that he and Monika were teleported to Phobos, and then gets a phone call from T confused about why they left. They then leave after being distracted by a drone spraying water on Phobos. The scene returns to T and the Tetris Worker where they find an abandoned Aperture Lab, they explore the lab to find some portalguns. The scene returns to Billy and Monika walking down a road repeatedly, when they are let in by a woman name Jenjamin, who happens to be Jimothy's mother. They converse a bit until Akko arrives in the house, asking Billy for information about the second coming of the Boot-Leg. The scene returns to T and Boris (The Tetris Worker) who discover that Akko had found them, they battle for a bit until the scene returns to Billy and Monika. They are finding things for Darvo so they can return to earth. They are interupted by TurretBot's weather forecast and return to darvo with his payment, who let's them onto his ship. It cuts back to Boris and T, where Boris begins to stress his demand that Akko fixes wih workplace. Then it cts to Jimothy searching for Billy, only to see Darvo's ship crashland infront of the complex. The scene returns to the trio, who hear the Puppeteer schreeching above. Akko then teleports the onto the roof of the complex. Jimothy notices them on the rooftop, so they jump down off of it and fight the rats.
After a brief intermission to read some fan mail, it's eluded to that someone had been spying on them for a while, hoping to get answers about some "irregularities" that have been occurring. He is then spotted by Boris, so he swiftly leaves the scene. Boris, Akko, and T continue to fight the rats while exchanging some banter to eachother. Billy and Jimothy are having a one-on-one showdown ontop of Darvo's ship, where Billy removes the puppeteer mouse from Jimothy, only to realize that he had died long ago. The battle ends with the puppeteer mice being extincted, and Darvo returns to Phobos with Jimothy's corpse for a proper burial. The gang then heads their seperate ways, and Billy is left alone with Monika.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, Villager103's super amazing and sexy inkling OC (that definitely isn't a Mary Sue) and seventy three mouse bones started levitating into a cloud. The bones then started killing each other off until there were only 3 left. Because fuck, do you think Collective Tale is going to keep track of 73 things at once? The three remaining bones then all signed a truce and died again.
A rad writer named Lucas George witnessed this touching story and decided to make a movie about it called "Boner War", which is two hours of bones in space killing each other. After its release, the movie got a lot of feedback. Some was good, some was bad. But it was mainly mediocre; it just didn't captivate the critics or au (which, for those who don't know, "au" is the periodic table element for gold)
But then, the 3 bones that died last came back to life and started killing everyone. Meanwhile on Earth, it was a nice, sunny day and people were happy people were planning to go to the beach as people starting packing their stuff to go there, eventually the clouds turned dark It started to rain. People complained "Nooooo, we can't go to the beach :(". If only they knew that they could say :( in their speech.
Meanwhile some witches were studying magic on Luna Nova, the new moon. Their goal was to hunt down and destroy seven Grand Relics: magical artifacts of immensely inaccurate mirror-like qualities. When their powers are combined, they possess the ability to clone anything (not perfectly, mind you, but you can probably see the appeal anyway).
They already found 6 of them, but the hardest one was still to find; a pirate leg in it's boot, called the Boot-leg, and some asshole bones were using it to make bootleg rain over Earth. The witches of Luna Nova were kind of aware of that, in the mission of the Boot-leg finding, three witches called Akko, Lotte and Sucy were commissioned for that. However, before they started Lotte was mistaken for a latte, so she couldn't go. Akko and Sucy used their broomsticks to fly to where the 3 mouse bones had been using the Boot-leg.
At the confusing sight of inanimate objects apparently using the magical artifact, Sucy said, "Oh, yeah, some mouse bones did it. Yeah, that makes sense! I mean, it was so obvious! Duh!" Akko then moved closer to the artifact, until she was stopped by
a random used rocket stage that slammed into her and altered her orbital trajectory. They're all in space, don't you know?
a giant "A new BroomOs update is available" screen, locking them in place (because yeah, it's 2017, you'd think witch broomsticks would not be connected to the cloud?). Two choices were offered to them, either upgrade and wait a looooo...oong time, or
an invisible wall extending upwards infinitely. Akko then realized that she was stuck in some sort of Groundhog's Day-style loop, and the only way out was to
her own thought process. "How am I supposed to get out of a time loop when the narration can't even finish-"
a sudden torrent of Boot-leg water. "two fucking sentences!" she finished, "Hang on." Suddenly
a random magic spell that was cast into space. Coincidentally, this spell solved her time loop conundrum... because it transported her several million years before the loop's beginning. Additionally, Akko was treated to a bright flash of light.
Akko was, of course, in a completely different location now (relative to the place she was before, due to the movement of things in space). Her new location just so happened to be within the breathable atmosphere of a planet which the surface is made of nasty, unthinkable, thorny vines. She touched down on a small patch of uncovered dirt about 10 meters in diameter, and began to rest.
Meanwhile, Sucy got transported 1042 years into the future in the Black Hole Era after the loop somehow stopped, where the only remaining stellar objects are black holes that slowly evaporates, which is probably bad. Sucy now had totally died. I mean, I don't know what were you expecting.
Meanwhile, Lotte sighed. On the contrary, she didn't sigh and I don't know why I said that earlier. She fiercely fought the management of Luna Nova, the New Moon, to get them to stop thinking she was a latte so she could join the other 2 witches, but she didn't know she couldn't because of the previously stated events. So instead she decided to learn that both Akko and Sucy had gone missing, and that everyone is about to get stuck in a time loop. After finding this out she caused a resonance cascade in the anti-mass spectrometer and blew everything to smitheroons. On the next loop she just lounged around and played video games about shooting an portal in mayro.
Back in the past, Akko got up with a start and said "Aha!". She then opened the developer console and spawned twenty anti-cheating mechanisms to attempt to stop her from using the developer console. Track "コンパクトデロリアン #会員ナンバー01" started playing out of nowhere.
Yet to find out, for now is a bottle of..., the most potent weed drink in the universe. ... was given its unconventional name to protect people from its original name, which was horribly misleading.
... was originally called "But it has a weird power, if you drink it, you'll be thrown back to a random point in the past of this story. So, should they drink it or not? Qwerty shows up and drinks all of it at once. I LÖVE LUA is really good at this game. (Yes, that's part of the story now, deal with it.) edit: qwerty why did you do this", though, given that that is an ever clumsier name, many historians argue that its true original name was "fortuendee", coming from the Latin word "fortuna", which means "fortune", "luck" and "chance" according to Google, and may or may not be horribly misleading.
Akko thought "why the heck not", and drank it. But then Akko started to become
worried that it would make her high off her ass, but it seemed to have no effect. She then decided to track down the source of the music. She got on her broomstick to triangulate the signal, and found a dead pigeon in the sacred pit, she went down, and licked the lollipop that she'd been carrying around for a while now. She then bit off the entire candy part and threw the stick on the dead pigeon. She kicked the pigeon out of the way so it fell into the vines, then sat until she came to a realization: It was actually her phone playing the music. She left the dead pigeon, and met Jorichi along the way.
She said, "Wait a minute, that was someone calling me!" She picked up her phone, called back the number, and it was Jorichi. "I'm right here, you know." he said over the phone. Akko then felt slightly embarrassed, so she casted prestidigitation on his phone to expose Jorichi as a muggle.
Then Jorichi summoned Becky from a bizarrely satanic-looking portal in the ground, and she held her gun really menacingly, like an action hero. In return, Akko summoned a latte. She meant to summon Lotte, but it was too late, she already cast the spell. Not that it would have worked, anyway, since Lotte doesn't exist yet.
Jorichi laughed and said "Fool, this is no time for games.", to witch Akko replied "Abrica-fuck you!" and cast the most random spell ever created, Randomtv-playerkaxaaa.
Randomised TV appeared. He was shocked, wondering how did he got here. Jorichi, his face pale, shouted "Noo! how could this be?" as RandomizedTV mesmerized Jorichi with the Most Interesting Show In The Universe. He wobbled and wavered, unable to handle such an interesting show, until finally losing balance and bending over backward, falling headfirst into the vines. Becky then disappeared into a bunch of triangles with a really cool particle effect, since Jorichi was no longer channeling the spell. Victory!
Akko then realized that she was really hungry for no reason, but the only things nearby were seasoned ground meat and flatbread. She decided that he would ask the TV if he has radio signals. He replied, "Sorry, i'm not picking anything up, so it's local-only, for the moment. By the way, I really gotta get back soon."
Akko responded, "Back where?"
"Back where I came from. You know, where you summoned me from?"
Akko decided that she would kiss Randomised before sending him back where he came from.
"Who writes this crap?" And then RandomizedTV left. But then a piece of paper fell of the sky. On it was written:
|“||To answer your question:
Akko then remembered how hungry she was. Using only ground beef and flatbread, she quickly made a pumpkin pie ('cause it's almost Halloween). That's impressive when we know it has neither beef nor bread in the recipe. But much less impressive when we know Akko is a witch. However, before she could finish the pie, a magical time-portal appeared in front of her. The strange thing is that it said "Made by Akko," but Akko couldn't remember making it. She grabbed the pie, stepped into it and was taken to the premier of the movie Tremors. She glanced back at the portal, and noticed something strange. Given it's block-lettered font, she didn't notice the "T" in front of the "AKKO". She figured it was just a glitch, and sat down in a seat.
She watched the first part of the movie, but then something strange was happening. Each time there should have been a horse in the movie, it wasn't there. The characters acted like they were there and rode through the air with their legs spread out, but for all practical purposes they were invisible. She turned around, and gasped. There were horses in the movie Tremors! And they were freaky ghost horses! She rushed out of the theater towards an infinite wall of infinite fire! She turned back and ran back in, through the ghost horses. She stole a phone from someone and called a taxi. And the taxi appeared in front of her like if calling it was a cheat from a game. She got in the car, and the taxi driver menacingly glanced back and asked "Where are we headed?"
"Uhh, just, away from here." Akko replied. "Got it." Suddenly, the song "Running in the 90's" came on as the driver floored the gas, and the tired peeled out. They drifted around a corner just as another person jumped in, pointed towards a car, and shouted "Follow that car!" The taxi driver knew exactly which car to follow (despite the vague directions) and started following the car. Man, this is so cliché.
Meanwhile, two people were carrying a big pane of glass across the street to deliver it to a "Big glass pane store". And they made it, because this is occurring in another country. Back to the cliché taxi pursuit scene, they drove through an unrelated big glass pane. The glass was being delivered to a fruit cart, witch they also drove through.
Akko then shouted "Straight ahead! I see that car that the other guy was pointing out! Wait, who's that in the car? It looks like a very ginormous pane of glass!" The pane then took a corner too hard and flipped all the way over, so it landed on its wheels and kept going. The taxi driver almost banked the corner like an airplane, then flew off a ramp and landed on
an eggplant-shaped doorknob. A scantily-clad woman walked over, unscrewed the doorknob and diddled herself with it, then a giant bee came through the doorknob hole and welp villager's here time to go home everyone
yeah i broke the game whatever shut up
|“||then a giant bee came through the doorknob hole and|
promptly sung that moment in time, erasing it from existence.
Anyway, they landed on a giant pumpkin pie, difficult terrain for any vehicle. Their tires futily spun and spun, kicking up pie filling as the pane of glass drove off. Then, Akko got fed up and jumped out of the car, waiting for a portal to appear, as it usually did for her. 36 minutes later, one appeared. She stuck her head inside and found that it led to a dimension where everyone was Cory Doctorow.
She spent some time there, then suddenly disappeared. Where did she go? It was unknown for a few weeks, but eventually Cory Doctrow, Cory Doctrow, and Cory Doctrow found her in the middle of absolutely nowhere, where there's nothing for around 10 miles. Except for a giant neon sign that says "The pie is fake". Akko then thought to herself "Man, this sounds very familiar".
Although Akko never actually played Portal, since they didn't have it at Luna Nova Academy. So she started playing it. She liked it so much that she bought the sequel. However, halfway through the conversion gel intro, Gaben appeared and asked for her money. She gave him 333 in Luna currency.
Gaben was happy because it was 333 money, took it and ran away, without knowing that 333L is very cheap and is equal to about 3 cents. Akko looked up and noticed it was a new page.
Anyway, one of the Cory Doctorows had eaten her laptop and the second Cory Doctorow, so she ran out of there. While she was running, she remembered her friend Sucy who had died when she had teleported to a black hole. Suddenly, she tripped over a semiclause and fell into a time-portal. When she came out, she saw the giant BroomOS picture.
"Holy crap," she thought, "I'm in the past!" She hid behind a rock like Marty while her past self tapped the screen. "I can do it!" she thought to herself. "I can save Sucy!" Then, she tripped over the semiclause again. "Oh, this is going to be annoying... stupid time loop..."
She fell through the portal again, and started running towards Sucy. "Suc-" She tripped over it again. "Grr.."
This time, she waited for it to loop again. As soon as it looped, she grabbed onto the grass behind the semiclause and stood above the portal. Since she wasn't in the time-loop section of time, she wouldn't loop back. She grabbed a nearby Cory Doctorow, took over his mind with her witch powers, and stood on his head. She waited for it to loop again, then had him jump into the portal. She made him run and throw her towards Sucy, who she grabbed and shoved into the portal just as it looped. Her Doctorow was deleted out of time in the process. Now the narrative is about Akko and Sucy (hopefully.)
Akko didn't miss a beat, "Look, Sucy, I can explain... actually, your guess is as good as mine. The important thing is that we're together again!" Lovely. Anyway, then this scene got too serious so a new portal appeared under them, completely ruining the moment. Akko and Sucy were taken to a rustic Western mining town. "Well, I figured it wouldn't last." said Akko.
Meanwhile, Lotte was just chilling in Luna Nova, the new moon's break room sewing a large felt latte-shaped-and-colored pillow to show the Nova operatives the difference between it and her. However, she pulled to hard on one of the stitches, and the whole thing fell apart. Sew it goes.
"Ugh, I hate manual sewing!" she shouted in frustration "But I've gotta learn how to conserve those spell slots."
Lotte sighed and checked her phone timer - only 30 seconds left before time restarted again. "Well, I almost had it right. Next time, I'll have something presentable. Then I can get one of them to fix this annoying time lo-"
Meanwhile, Akko and Sucy had wandered through main street of the mining town. They entered a saloon for a refreshment, and found
monkeys playing billiards using smaller monkeys in tiny gachapon balls but minus the strikethrough formatting. The monkeys seemed to be communicating in a foreign language. (However, while A., S., and L. spoke a language that was coincidentally almost exactly like English but "cow" was "hypothermia", and vice versa, they didn't know that the normal-sized monkeys were actually speaking Japanese.)
Akko leaned over and picked up one of the unused small monkey balls. She walked outside with Sucy, and away from the prying eyes of the normal-sized monkeys, cracked open one of the balls. The monkey screeched and ran back inside the saloon. Suddenly, the angered normal-sized monkeys (with the small ones rolling towards Sucy and Akko in their balls) charged towards the witches. Oh No!™ Waht will they do?
Now that I'm looking back on it, I probably shouldn't have ended that last bit with a question. I mean, how am I suppose to continue from there? It'll just look silly. Then again, this story has been pretty bad overall... oh, geez, look at me! I shouldn't be so harsh on myself! This story's not so bad. At least, compared to Collective Tale 1... Man, I should work on my writing. Maybe I could join a Literature Club or something. Ah, I've still got to continue this somehow. Hmm... okay, maybe I can try something...
The answer is simple: Use magic! "Uhh... I'm not here!" shouted Akko as she tried to turn invisible, but failed. After all, she specializes in conjuration. Sucy then said: "Come on, there's no need to make a fuss."
The grizzliest-looking monkey then spoke to the two in an accent as thick as ooblek: "Listen pardner, I take it you're new 'round these parts, but we 'ave a certain way of... doin' things." He paused. "'Ave ya e'er run a labyrinth?" The two witches shook their heads no. "A'right, thar'll be a darn fittin' punishment for ya now." the grizzly monkey said. Stunned, Akko and Sucy both found themselves in their own gachapon balls, and were both rolled away from the town and onto a track, which rolled them off and away.
After regaining their wits, Akko found herself in a jungle, with Sucy nowhere to be seen. She was on a flat, green, checkerboard-patterned floor, eerily hanging over a big waterfall. There was an arbor with finish line tape and a big round party ball hanging from the top some distance away, and she knew she wanted to roll into it. Her first move was to tuck herself into a ball and somersault. She did this five times before the party ball exploded and some plastics, cryogenics, and a person fell out. She gasped. It was Lotte, unconscious.
(Some time-loop time earlier) Lotte had had enough. She threw a chair at a window, which broke it. She jumped through, but the time-loop started again and her shoe was melded with the glass. Luckily, it hadn't touched her foot, so she took it off and hurried out. After sixteen loops, she had finally found it. Akko's secret stash of the misleading-name weed drink that seemed to appear randomly across time. She picked it up. If she drank it, she would teleport to anywhere in the past. It was the only way to get out, though. She took a big swig, and instantly appeared in a Relaxation Vault bed in the planet that would one day become the gachapon monkeys' home, where they used her as one of their prizes for games for 7000 years.
Back to Akko. She gasped! "Oh hot diggity damn, it's a coworker that I don't know! These monkeys are really gonna get the shit kicked out of them when I'm out of here!"
Suddenly, Akko was jerked into the sky as her ball lifted into the air with a trail of sparkles. She touched down on another green checkerboard labyrinth, this time with a half-pipe spiraling around a platform with a goal arbor. This one wouldn't be as easy. She set off, an alarm., and started breaking past the wall. She fell on a spike, which broke her ball but left her unharmed. She grabbed Lotte from the other course and hurried out of there.
Monkeys were chasing after her. A monkey with the two-letter designation "HX" grabbed onto her arm. She ripped her arm off, and magically grew a new one with magical magic (using magic). One monkey behind her with the designation "EA" screeched "あなたのお金をすべて贈り、この死んだ冗談をサポートしてください!", but she punched it in the face. The monkeys were almost upon her now, when suddenly Lotte came charging at the monkeys from behind and portalling them to random space-time dimensions using a device she had stolen from a monkey.
She said "Get on!" Akko looked around. There was nothing to "get on" to. Lotte shot a portal in midair, and a shiny blue horse came out. "This is a Time-Hor-" Lotte disappeared. Akko stood there, shocked. Was she all alone? no because she had just travelled to 30 seconds ago in a nearby cave. She came out, and they all got on just as they were space-timed to a more accurate interpretation of Little Witch Academia.
Then Akko said, "Wait, I don't remember cloning myself," and our Akko said "This is extremely uncanny, can we go?"
"No, not just yet," Lotte replied, "If there are other witches here, maybe we can learn some things about magic that, otherwise, we'd never have a chance to know!" Akko replied: "Listen, I just met you, and I know you're a coworker, but I really don't have any reason to follow you in. If you want to go and see what you can learn, then fine, but Akko's good out here." our Akko then left the campus and waited for the next spacetime portal.
Meanwhile, Sucy had made it all the way to EX 2 Bumpy Check, where her ball had taken her all the way to a futuristic space station that was still under construction, and the checkerboard platforms were set up in squares with another checkerboard taken out of the middle, so she could fall right through! She tried casting a spell: "Zero-G Floaty Times", because she thought she was going to fall out of the ship, but it already was 0g (space), so she floated right over the hole. She then thought "What's the worst that could happen?" and turned on 5x Gravity. She then started flying towards the planet's sun, screaming and regretting her choices. Suddenly, Akko came out of a portal and collided into her. "Okay, great, now both of us are here," Sucy said. "If only we had Lotte's infinidimensional portal device!" "Dammit, Lotte!" Akko screamed.
Meanwhile, Lotte was having a nice time in the alternate academy. She was testing how different types of portals affected different spells, when suddenly Akko (ours) came crashing down on her, with Sucy dragging behind. "Lotte! You saved- I mean you will save us, because it's already happened in our time!" She grabbed Lotte's device, shoved it and Lotte into a portal and collapsed. "Wait, Akko," Sucy said. "How come Lotte wasn't with us when we got saved?"
"Oops," Akko said. Though she was just an annoying coworker, Akko felt good about her saving them, even if it was only because paradoxes don't work. She turned to Lotte, who was back from her unexpected trip, and said "Hey Latte, let me see that device!", casting a conjuration spell to summon it into her hands. "Yep, it's just as I thought. This little baby here is one of the 7 Grand Relics, they were all supposed to be destroyed years ago though, besides the Boot-Leg. How do you have it?" Little replied, "Well, it's not the real thing... It's just a recreation, but I thought it would be useful for getting to the Boot-Leg, so after I was commissioned to get it, I started-"
Akko cut her off, "Wait, you're the missing person?"
"Well, yes, but-"
"Where the heck were you!?"
"Well, I would have went if-"
"We could have used your device if only you bothered to show up!"
"Look, I tried, but they-"
"I swear, every time they pair us up with a new witch it goes terrible!"
"They thought I was a latte, alright!?"
"Okay, now I know you're making up excuses..."
Sucy stood between the two, "She's here now, that's all that matters!"
Akko let out a sigh. "Fine, you're right, but I just want to know how you can replicate even the properties of the Rum-Runner Wand. I mean, the enchantment that went into that thing was far too advanced for you. It took one of the seven fragments from the Grand Dad itself; you just can't replicate it."
She stared right at Latte. "I don't want to have to get too wild with a coworker, so at least tell me where you found it."
Lotte stared. "I got it from you, Akko. You gave- you will give it to me."
[cue dramatic music]
"Latte, you can't honestly try to convince me-- where is that music coming from? This is a written story!"
Then, the more accurate Akko came back to find that the three space-time clones, designated "T.Lotte", "T.Sucy", and "T.Akko" had already vanished, leaving only a trace of bootleg arcane energy.
The three arrived in a puff of irony to morrow afternoon. But since it hasn't happened yet (it happens tommorow, duh), we'll tell you what led up to that: Nothing eventful. The next day, the three witches decided to head back home, so T.Akko (our Akko) used the Rum-Runner Wand to do just that.
"Look, I know you found it and all, Latte, but I'm pretty certain this thing by conjuring you to other places, and conjuration is my specialty."
They stepped out of the portal and into a bustling metropolis completely foreign to them.
"Well" said Sucy. "This is an interesting realm."
It was New York, in the universe where most of the authors of this are from. "Looks fake," said Akko.
She got hit by a taxi. Lotte quickly went back in time 7 seconds with the Wand and grabbed Akko before she was killed.
"I guess that wand is kind of useful," Akko admitted.
"Kind of?!? You would have been dead if we didn't have it, Akko!"
"Okay, okay. Let's get the 6 other relics first using the wand, and then we'll destroy them."
Lotte hesitated, then agreed. Akko pulled out her journal. "The next relic is- wow. Only three dimensions over. Let's go." She shot a portal on the floor, and they all jumped in to find a very scared man's bedroom.
He got up from his chair, quivering, and said "H-hello, um..." He glanced at Akko's nametag from the more accurate Luna Nova. "Heh, Takko."
She replied "You know what, I don't think this is the right dimension after all."
"If you're looking for relics, it is," he said. "I'm Technochips."
Akko thought about where she heard that name before, then it hit her. "Ah, you're the one who ate twelve bags of potato chips on live television and then collapsed, but then got back up and immediately vomited all of it."
.."Yes. I have the relic, it's in the basement. It might be a little greasy, but.."
"Thanks, chip guy," said Sucy. They hurried downstairs and saw some bag of chips named "The Holy Chips" displayed in a display case with a note next to it "eat only in rare case of emergencies".
"That might be one of the relics! I think I saw it in some photos of relics." said Sucy. They tried getting it, but the display case is locked with a key.
Then all the chips was replaced with ramen because it is better. Except the bag is perfectly sealed so it never happened. But any chips outside of the bag were still affected. In this universe, people just eat uncooked chunks of dried ramen instead of potato chips. Except that also in this universe, dried ramen smells, tastes and looks like potato chips, so nothing got affected.
Anyway, they are searching for the key, but they found it during the chips vs. ramen debate, so yeah, that happened. Suddenly, the ground began shaking and objects began breaking.
"Shit!" Technochips yelled. "It's happening!"
"What?" Akko screamed.
"Too much narrative contradiction! It's destroying this universe!"
The bag in her hand was rapidly changing between chips, ramen, ramen that looked like chips and chips that looked like ramen, so she quickly grabbed the two witches, herself and Technochips and portaled them out of there back to her house on Luna Nova.
A big glowing sentence appeared in the air: "2/7 RELICS ACQUIRED!", but they didn't see it. "Okay," Sucy panted. "What now?"
"Now we just drop these shits off at the reliquary and ditch this fool." said Lotte.
Sucy portaled Techno to an identical dimension that had a chips-ramen compromise, and the unstable bag to Luna Nova. She almost threw the Rum-Runner wand in the portal, but realized that they would need it to get the other ones.
"Done. Do we really have to do this?" said Sucy.
"Yes," Akko said. "Do you want the universe to end?"
"No," sighed Sucy dejectedly. She opened up a portal to the next dimension and they all walked in.
"Hang on," she said "when we left, they already had six. Maybe we can just skip all this work entirely."
"Nah man, I'm havin' fun." said Akko.
"Yeah, me too, I guess." said Lotte, "It's nice being out on a mission again!"
"Yeah," she agreed. "That would basically be cheating."
The next dimension was a giant Hot Pocket. Little hot pocket people ran around and ate each other. Lotte pulled out the wand and checked the location.
"It's just two generic Luna Nova units away. Hey, are you hungry?"
"Yeah," they said. They sat down and started eating nearby Hot Pocket animals. The animals started crowding around them with angered faces. Sucy stared as they started attacking them.
"Should we run?" Akko asked.
"They're so cute, though," Lotte said. "I don't think they can hurt us much."
They heard a large roar in the distance and saw a giant hot pocket monster coming. "RUN! The relic is just ahead!"
Suddenly, they took off like a rocket and ran towards the relic until the slipped on ice. The creature roared and snarled as it backed away, not wanting to disturb the relic: the Cold Pocket. They stuffed it in their relic sack and headed off for the next dimension.
They wound up in a control room with pictures of every tetramino sitting above a corresponding button. Suddenly, they heard a latch open and a door creak. As yellow light spread across the consoles and buttons, the three witches tried to hide. They heard the one who opened the door simply said in a Russian accent: "Oh ho, it seems I have some veesitors. How would you like to watch me work? It gets veery lonely here."
"Uh, sure!" said Akko "The wand's got a bit of time before it recharges."
They watched as the worker sat at his terminal, and started pressing buttons somewhat frequently. He began to explain: "You see, I have to choose witch pieces they send off."
He paused for a bit. "Oh ho ho! No good piece for you now!" he exclaimed.
"I need to make it very inconvenient for any interlopers, like you, but I think you are fine." he said. Lotte was looking intently at a corner. "Hey, what's that lever do?" she asked, pointing at a switched labeled simply "NOT".
"Never, eever, flip that lever!" the worker quickly shot back.
She flipped it.
"NOOOOOOOŒ! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?"
The room began shaking, and tiles began rising out of the floor.
The worker ran screaming from the room. Lotte checked and said, "Apparently, any one of the T-shaped blocks is a valid 4th relic. Akko, rock, please."
Akko grabbed a rock from her bag and tossed it to Lotte, who threw it at the T tetromino button just as the floor gave way.
They started falling.
"Grab as many as you can!" yelled Sucy.
Lotte portaled as many blocks as she could, but she couldn't see the T block she had spawned. She glanced up and quickly grabbed it, and portaled back to Akko's house.
She sat there, panting. Suddenly, it hit her. "Shit, Akko and Sucy are still there!"
She portaled back to the Tetris station and 2 minutes back in time.
"Grab as many as you can!" yelled Sucy. Lotte grabbed her and Akko, went back to the house, hid away from her past self and collapsed on the 4th relic, the T-block Tetromino.
n a completely unrelated tangent that will never come up again, the worker with a Russian accent started developing some megaman-ass robots or something. He also kept muttering the word "revenge" over and over. Honestly, I don't even know at this point. Anyway, the witches took a break and relaxed for a little bit. 10 minutes later, the break was over.
"Okay," said Akko. "What's the next one?"
"This one is in the chip guy's dimension again. It's a gaming console that was criticised at that planet for being extremely crappy."
Lotte opened a portal below Akko and Sucy, who fell in. She jumped in after them. They landed in a basement. They heard shuffling upstairs.
"Quick," hissed Sucy. "Grab it!"
Lotte looked around and saw it. It was a red weirdly shaped box with an odd controller. "VIRTUAL BOY" was inscribed on the box. She picked it up, but suddenly, the man from upstairs heard them and yelled. "Quick, run!" shouted Akko. Lotte portaled to a random dimension, and they all jumped in. The man also jumped through the portal and started chasing them through dimensions.
Finally, they reached at last, their home. Lotte quickly portalled the man back before he could grab the relic, and placed them next to each other (the Rum-Runner wand in her pocket): The Holy Chips/Ramen bag, unstable as always, the Cold Pocket, the T-block and the Virtual Boy.
"Just two more, and it seems that they're both in the same dimension." she said. She opened a portal to the other relics' dimension, but before they could go through a giant tetromino robot came out.
"Shit!" yelled Sucy.
Lotte moved the portal to below the robot, who fell in. She opened another one to the same dimension but 10 minutes forward in the future.
"We're going to need artillery," she said. She opened a portal above Akko, and a Zero-Point Energy Field Manipulator fell out. Akko grabbed it.
She opened another one above Sucy, who got an infinite SMG. "Awesome!" she said.
"I have the Rum-Runner Wand," said Lotte, "which I think is enough. Let's go!"
They all jumped in the portal to find two hundred robots armed with Tetris pieces led by the worker from that dimension, with the two relics behind them.
The robots started charging at them and dropping blocks, and an epic reference-filled war ensued. Akko was shocked. Just shocked. Truly, the epicness of the battle was underminded when she noticed the "relics" were obviously fake - in fact, neither of the two were the Boot-Leg. She then shouted, "Wait, guys! Those aren't the real relics!" After hearing this, Lotte quickly (and blindly) opened another portal.
Lotte then noticed something extremely peculiar. She checked for the location of the relics, and the sixth relic was actually still in the same dimension. In fact, it was really close to her. She looked around, wondering could possibly be the sixth relic. She mused aloud, "This is so strange. The info on the sixth relic is really vague." She looked over it again. 'It is pseudo-immune to time loops and causes portals to appear at random.' After reading over it a number of times, she realized what it was. Or rather, who it was - Akko.
"Wait what?!" said Akko, "If I'm one of the relics... Wait, this isn't right, we are supposed to destroy all of the seven relics, am I supposed to sacrifice myself or what?"
"Wait. It's only really bad if the relics are joined, right?," said Lotte.
Maybe if I destroy the other ones.."
She didn't finish her thought. The worker, full of anger and vengeance against them for destroying his life's work, had finally caught on to the fake signals coming from the fake relics. Hidden inside the biggest robot, he picked up Akko. He was going to create the Boot-Leg.
Akko screamed and yelled. He shook her, and a portal opened to Akko's house. He grabbed all the relics and started joining them together. Lotte and Sucy were unable to move, being surrounded by too many blocks. He shoved the Cold Pocket into the visor of the Virtual Boy, and the T-block joined the headset and the controller together. He shoved a couple unstable chipramens into certain crevices, and put the rest with the bag inside the Virtual Boy. He kept shaking Akko over and over at different mathematically correct speeds, until he had opened the portal he required. He grabbed the final relic, a salt shaker with three connecting outlined circles beveled into it, and inserted it into a hole.
He squeezed Lotte with a robotic arm until she dropped the wand, and placed it in the controller charger. He raised Akko with both hands, and inserted her into the machine, screaming. Suddenly, her eyes glew bright white and she floated in the air.
"AKKO! WHAT'S HAPPENING!?" Sucy yelled.
"YOU FOOL. "AKKO" IS GONE." The Boot-Leg shot Sucy with a blast of pizza sauce at 90 percent the speed of sound. She collapsed.
"WHAT IS YOUR COMMAND, MASTER?" the Boot Leg asked.
"Destroy their vorlds," the worker said.
Lotte curled up into a ball. What was she going to do?
Suddenly, the Boot-Leg used its conjuration magic to summon T-shirts for himself so that he looked cool. But this wasn't just a regular T-shirt, it's a T-shirt with a T-block on it. It tried to put the T-shirt on, but all its mechanical parts just tore the shirt to shreds. Unfortunate.
Anyway, the Bootleg opened gigantic portals around itself to most interpretations of Luna Nova and started destroying them, standing in the centre. Luckily for Sucy and Lotte, it hadn't reached their dimension yet.
Suddenly, a bunch of versions of the witches started running out of the portals, angered. The more accurate Akko, Sucy and Lotte from earlier in this narrative went up to our Sucy and Lotte. "That yours?" said Accurate Sucy, glancing up at mind-controlled Akko in the Boot-Leg.
"Well, come on, let's fight!"
The multiple Akkos, Sucys and Lottes were attacking the Boot-Leg. Lotte ran up too, and turned the ground in front of the Boot-Leg into solid ice. Its legs gave way as it tripped and landed on its back. Sucy then jumped up and threw a fireball at its chest. As the smoke cleared, they both realized that the power of the Grand Dad had protected it. It angrily swiped the two of them, sending them against a wall.
Sucy then stood up and shouted: "Akko!"
The Boot-Leg turned to face her.
"I know you're still in there!"
The Boot-Leg replied ""Akko" was merely a farce. I have been reunited, made whole again."
It hurled a long piece at Sucy, who summoned a wall of ice to block it.
"We both know that's a lie, and even if it isn't, do you really prefer it this way?"
"Do not listen to her, she is merely trying to trick you!" the worker interjected, gaining the attention of Lotte, who turned him into a swarm of mice.
The Boot-Leg started summoning missiles from Macross, and one by one Sucy launched fireballs at them so they all exploded, just before collapsing onto the ground. The Boot-Leg stomped up to here, and just as it was about to give the killing blow, Sucy said, gasping "Okay, you win, Akko. I'm all out of spell slots."
The Boot-Leg then summoned Becky, who first glanced at Sucy and readied her pistol, but then turned up and shot the Boot-Leg right in the Virtual Boy. It collapsed and fell apart, and Akko crawled out from the wreckage, leaving a trail of blood. Her left leg was missing, boot and all.
Akko said shakily, "Get - get the wand.." Lotte pulled out the Rum-Runner wand. "This body - MY body," Akko said slowly, "it unconsciously searches for relics to join them. I thought I was doing this quest to destroy them, but something in me was secretly plotting to collect them. Hell, I don't - I don't even know if getting into Luna Nova was my own choice or not." "I want to be real, Lotte," she said. "I - I don't want to be just a farce for the Boot-Leg. My memories, my personality, who I am, those can't be fake. Even though I was created simply for the relics to join, I deserve to be a real person!" She started breathing heavy. "I don't have much time. There are many Akkos who died today trying to fight the Boot-Leg. Many whose body wasn't damaged, but their memory was wiped. Please, Lotte. Open a portal to a dimension full of brain uploading/downloading machines and get one." Lotte shot a portal next to her. One of those machines fell out. "Download me into another Akko. PLEEeEEAEaEAEAAÄÄÄ-" She stopped breathing. Lotte screamed. She quickly grabbed a mindless alternate Akko from nearby and went back in time 20 seconds. She used the wand to merge with her past self to avoid paradoxes, and then plugged the machine into dying Akko's skull. It loaded, and Akko's brain file was now on it. She ran it in DOS mode.
C:\>downloads/akko.exe Loading... Initiating... Autosetting vocals to text... Begin: Hello? Where am I? Why can't I see? Did you do it, Lotte? Load me, please!
Lotte plugged the tube into the alternate Akko and typed into the machine:
-send It's going to be ok, Akko. I'm doing it. It's going to be ok, Akko. I'm doing it. What? Why did I- oh. Do it already! -exit Exiting.. C:\>load.exe Loading... (10%)
Lotte sat back while it was loading. Sucy ran towards her, having successfully pulled herself from the wreckage. "Oh my god, is that Akko? Is she-" Lotte soundlessly pointed towards the machine.
"Oh." They sat back and waited for their friend to load.
(78%) (90%) (97%) (99%) 100% load complete. C:\
Lotte raced over and shook the Akko shell. She opened her eyes. "Lotte? Sucy? Did you do it? Quick, get a relic. Wave it in front of me!" Sucy grabbed a chipramen and waved it in front of Akko. "I don't have any desire to collect it. This is awesome!" She stood up, and looked down at herself. "This Akko looks a lot different, but I'm just happy to be alive." Lotte shot a portal in front of them to Akko's house. As they were walking, Akko said, "It's funny. I'm no longer the Boot-Leg Akko, but it looks like I'm a bootleg Akko. Huh."
End of Plot Arc 1, idk. This should definitely continue. Just going to comment that I thought it was cool that Collective Tale 2 started out chaotic like all of these things usually do, but it eventually turned into a pretty good story.
The three witches gazed across the land from the side of the moon base that makes up Luna Nova, the new moon. "Well, we've scattered the 7 Grand Relics across time and space, they should be collected just like we saw in the reliquary." said Akko. "It seems like they've all lost their charge, though." She paused. "You know, there's something I've never told anyone before: just before I was destroyed as the Boot-Leg, I felt something strange in my left leg, like all of my power was focused on that one point."
"Hey, wasn't that, um..." Lotte added, "wasn't that the one you lost?"
"Oh. Shit." Akko and Sucy said in unison. As the moonbase drifted towards a dark raincloud, they remembered something important. Those fucking asshole mouse bones were still making the bootleg rainstorm. Goddamn mousebones.
"Sucy, you specialize in breaking the laws of physics in fun ways, right?" said Lotte. "Can you make a device similar to the Rum-Runner Wand?"
"I don't know, it could take a couple weeks- oh, wait."
"I don't have to make a full Rum-Runner Wand, I just have to open a portal to a dimension with something similar! This should only take an hour at most." She sat down at her desk and began manipulating matter. Lotte sat down and read a book. Later, Akko called her over.
"What is it?"
"You know how I said I felt something in my leg before it disappeared?"
"Well, I just used my tachyon scanner and found that there were a LOT of time particles from where it left. It seems that it traveled roughly 10 million years in the past. It's probably immortal or some shit, so it might even be alive right now."
"Jeez, that's, um.."
"Guys, I finished it!" yelled Sucy. They came over.
. . .
Several million years in the past, in the same location of space but on another planet, the great sorcerer Jorichi was sitting in his grand, thorny manor. While waiting for some nebulous thing to occur, he followed the patterns of the vines, because his phone was still charging so he couldn't use it. Suddenly, a Russian swarm of mice fell into the disheveled room from a portal. "Ah!" Jorichi said, "The perfect lab rat for my experiment..." He paused for dramatic effect. "IN NECROMANCY! MUAHAHAHAA!"
He threw the mice into a vat of boiling cheese sauce, levitated their bones out and cast a spell. The bones were alive! His experiment was successful. He tried to drop them back into the sauce, but it didn't work. The laws of gravity didn't apply to these bones. The bones chased after him. "Shit!" he yelled, and magicked a portal in the air, which sucked them into a mediocrely long time in the past compared to what time it was then, but in a galaxy far, far away, yes. They appeared at the beginning of this story, and levitated into a cloud. The bones then started killing each other off until there were only 3 left. Because- oh, wait, I already told this part.
Meanwhile, Sucy was showing them the device. It was a small metal box with a red button on it. "Sorry for the ultrageneric design, but there's not much it does, anyway. I had it open to the closest dimension with a chrono-/inter-/intra-dimensional device. Let's go!" She pressed the button, which opened up a portal outside her window. "Oops, I may have misjudged the distance." They opened the window, climbed out and jumped into the portal. They found themselves in what looked like an arena made out of movie theater seats. A floating gun was at the end, surrounded by differently shaped buildings with toxic slime below. "Looks like we have to do some parkour to get through," said Sucy. "Try not to die, though it'll be okay if you do since if at least one person survives they can save the other(s) by going back in time. We essentially have 3 lives, which are each of our.. lives." She started wallrunning. The others followed her.
Lotte said "Okay, uhm, acrobatics really isn't my strong suit."
Akko chimed in "Yeah, me neither. I'm just levitating over this shit. Do you want it too?"
"Yeah, sure." said Lotte, and Akko cast Levitation on the two of them. They slowly drifted over to the bootleg Rum-Runner Wand.
Naturally, Sucy beat them to it by a mile. "I have some bad news," she said, "there's no charge in this thing. I can't seem to get it to work, and this was the only one I could find in the observable multiverse." Akko walked up to it. "Here, give me a try." she said as the grabbed it and launched a portal back home. "H-How did you do that?!" Sucy exclaimed. "I just got the magic touch, baby." said Akko. "And by that I mean, like, literally magic, and not a figure of speech, obviously."
Now that they were back in their home universe, Lotte used teh internetz to find out where the mouse bones had gone to after all this time. "Alright, it looks like they're causing trouble in Ididntknowwhattonamethis City."
But before Lotte could talk about actually getting to Ididntknowwhattonamethis City, Akko spoke up. "Hold on, I can't go with you. Who knows what would happen if I got near my old body's bootleg Boot-Leg leg? The first time I was near it, a time loop started for no reason."
Lotte agreed, but Sucy did not. "Akko, to be fair, you had a fragment of the Grand Dad back then. And besides, you were the one to make that inactive wand work, I don't think anyone else can do that!" "Hey!" shouted Lotte. She grabbed the bootleg wand and tried to use it, but to no avail.
By then, the moon base had drifted over Ididntknowwhattonamethis City. As the three witches were buffeted by waves of bootleg rain, three columns of light beamed down onto the grass, and a warrior stepped out of each. First was a dwarven cleric named Marley Skychurch, then a fearsome human fighter named Angus Sideburns, and finally a great elven wizard named Taco. It's time to roll initiative.
The initiative refused to roll at first as the six just stood there glaring at each other, but it eventually conceded. Angus was first in the order. He lunged at Akko with his axe and took a swipe at her, but Akko just barely managed to summon herself behind him. Sucy launched a fireball at him, but it was raining, so the fireball (which I almost accidentally called a firebar WHOOPS) was immediately put out. Lotte saw this mistake and created a firebar, which don't get put out by water. But since Lotte isn't skilled in creating firebars, it was really short. She modified the ROM with mAgIc, and Angus was bisected by the bar. Taco lunged towards Sucy, who was extremely confused about why a wizard was lunging at her instead of just using a magic attack. Turns out Taco was counting on her confusion to land the attack, which he did.
Akko then conjured up a clumsy segue. The segue interrupted the current story for a less interesting one about night sharks. Did you know that newborn night sharks grow at an enormous rate, so that the period when they are most vulnerable to predators is as short as possible? I don't know about you, but that sounds very interesting to me. Another cool thing about night sharks is their fins, which are actually quite valuable. I have the weirdest case of déjà vu right now. Night sharks feed mainly on small bony fishes and squid. Anyway, while you weren't looking Akko utilised the segue to capture and trap Marley and Taco, who were blinking, startled from being taken back from the night shark section. Sucy walked up to them and simply said "Why."
"Just, why go through all the trouble of trying to kill us?" Marley said "Well we heard you had a Grand Relic." Akko interrupted "Hah, yeah, not anymore, buckaroo. If I'm right, it was a 7 Grand Relic that sent you here." Taco said "I don't know if I should trust you, I mean, you did just try and kill Angus, and apparently our cleric doesn't know how to heal people." "Oh, right." said Marley, "If you let me out of here, I'm just going to go over to Angus to heal his wounds, then we can talk this out. I don't want to be a bad guy, just—" Suddenly, the three turned into bootleg smoke and disappeared.
The three witches were just about ready to take on their final challenge: those three damn mouse bones.
"The mouse bones should be around here somewhere," Lotte said, leading the way. Sucy followed suit. Akko made sure to stay a little bit behind the two, just in case anything happened. It did. The ground shook and swallowed Lotte and Sucy. Akko went back in time and saved them, and got swallowed herself the second time around. Luckily, Past-by-5-seconds Akko was still alive, and just about to travel back when Lotte stopped her.
Akko stood, shocked. "Holy shit. I just died. A future version of me just died to save us. Jeez." She didn't think much of it more, because the mouse bones appeared and started jabbing them.
Lotte started running, because the bones had ganged up on her. "Well, Lotte, I guess you're the tank for this one." Akko snarked, then summoned a revolver and shot at the mouse bones. Sucy created a minefield of explosive runes. Then all the mines exploded wow didn't see that one coming 10/10 ign
Almost all the bones died except one. Lotte crushed it in her fist. "Looks like we're.. done?" said Sucy. Suddenly, a person began crawling out of the ruins. It was Future Akko. She had survived. Akko stared, and said "Shit my man, are you alright?" Future Akko said, in a somewhat strange voice "Hah hah hah, I am more than alright! When you deestroyed those bones, you opened the door to my prison, now, Lotte, I thank you for that, but you must pay for what you've done to my very existence!"
Suddenly, future Akko, whose corpse has been taken over by the mouse bones, started throwing tetramonoes at the group, and blocked himself with a wall of them. "Oh shit it's the block guy!" said Lotte. The Akko corpse shimmered and transformed into the Tetris worker, who started laying blocks on the ground as fast as he could. "Before, I try to deestroy your worlds, now I am going to deestroy YOU!" A whole piece of the ground blinked once and dissapeared. Sucy jumped at him, but he manipulated the blocks until it made a full row around her arm, which disappeared. "AAAAAAAAAA-" Sucy began yelling. Akko also began yelling. Lotte shouted "Akko, can you make a portal back to that control room?" Akko said, wavering "Umm, yeah, I—"
But before Akko could finish that statement, she forgot what she was going to say. In fact, she was beginning to forget what she was doing entirely. Her vision was fading. Then, Akko realized what was going on. The mouse bones... It was a similar feeling to when the Boot-Leg took control of her previous body.
The Tetris worker had almost surrounded Lotte with Tetris blocks. Desperate, she called for Akko once more. But Akko was no longer paying attention to her surroundings. She knew that she would lose consciousness again any moment now. Without the Boot-Leg to take over her body, she'd be defenseless. In a last-ditch effort to keep herself alive, Akko was channeling the grand power building within her to charge up out a powerful outlawed spell. She didn't even know it all that well, but it was worth a shot. With her last breath, Akko casted the spell, reaching in Lotte's direction. Suddenly, everything in a mile radius around Akko froze in place, except for Akko herself and Lotte. Akko's body then fell face-first into the ground, sleeping. Sucy and the Tetris worker could do nothing but look around at the frozen area.
"A-Akko!" Lotte spoke, not yet noticing her frozen surroundings, or that she was not in control of her body. She then stood up. "Wait, I didn't-" Lotte suddenly placed a finger over her own moth, shutting herself up. She got up, and pushed the last Tetris block of her cage, an L block that had not actually landed yet, out of the way. As Lotte watched herself attempt to fit herself through the opening. she spoke again. "L-look, I don't know who you are, or what you plan to do, but my friend Akko is out there, and she needs my help." Lotte's head then shook 'no'... "Huh? No?... wait... A..Akko?" She shook again, for 'yes'. "What!? You left yourself out there? What's going-" Akko finally fit Lotte through the opening. Lotte saw Sucy and the Tetris worker, frozen mid-position, but staring right back at her. "Oh...oh my... Akko, where did you learn to cast this!?"
Akko ignored the question (not that she could answer like this anyway). After a short pause, Lotte began moving again. She watched herself pick up the L block off the ground. She began slowly walking toward the Tetris worker. Both he and Sucy watched, not moving. Lotte felt herself grip tightly on the L block. At this point, she realized what Akko was going to do. "Heh... I don't think you ever told me your name, block guy. But it doesn't look like you'll get the chance to now." Lotte was now right in front of the Tetris worker. Akko began readying Lotte's stance as she waited for her to finish talking. "Akko seems intent on ending your life right here. I may not have known Akko for very long, but I'm sure if she could speak right now, she would say some silly one-liner. Frankly, though, I don't even think you deserve one." She took a deep breath. "Go ahead, Akko."..
And in one strike, the Tetris worker.was decapitated. Akko immediately dropped the L-block and ran over to kneel down at her own body. She flipped herself over and checked for breathing. Lotte chuckled. "Akko, don't be silly. if you were dead, how would you be controlling me?" Akko then sat still for a bit, as she thought about what to do. "Akko, it's fine. Just wait. You'll wake up eventually, you don't need to force it. Just relax... we're finally done. The mouse bones are taken care of. The Boot-Leg is gone. The rest of the 7 Grand Relics are, too. And that... guy with the blocks... he's not going to get in our way anymore. I'd say this mission is complete. Whenever you wake up, we can go back to Luna Nova. And I hope we get to work together more often, too. I think we make a pretty good team."
Akko smiled. If Lotte wasn't sharing the same face, she would have smiled back.
"Akko, Lotte, and Sucy... it has a nice ring to it."
And Minindario thought he spent too much time on Collective Tale 2.
Man, I was right. Joining that Literature Club was probably the best decision I ever made. My writing has improved so much since I joined it. Even if this story started out random like my usual writing, in the end I think it turned out pretty good. The four girls in the club really helped me get rid of my old, all-over-the-place writing habits. Especially Monika. Anyway, I guess I should start on a new story now. Should it be a sequel story to this? Hmm... well, I guess you never know with my writing. Here goes nothing!
Today, TurretBot went back home. He caught Noahkiq and a bunch of other
furries doing some slight modifications on classic board games. "Hey, is that Doormat!?" Turret heard from behind. A skeletal man carrying a giant zweihander-style greatsword was standing in the doorway. He spoke
again: "Hello, name's Billy Bones; I got a call ya' had some rats in yer basement."
"Yeah, seems they've gotten into my board games now, though. Well, at least you don't have to hunt them out."
"Yuck! I see a dead rat in our game money," says Renhoek, passing a hotel to Eden GT. "I'm not sure about this anti-trust rule." he said.
Billy Bones walked up to the game and said "Alright y'all, I need to get through to the basement." The rat furries then all stood up at once and said in unison "I will not let you pass; I will not let you end me.", then all went to attack Billy. He took out a spray bottle filled with congealed darkness, and sprayed it onto their faces. He slipped downstairs in the confusion.
In the basement lay an overgrown rat with twenty tails, each one snaking around the room until eventually sticking into a wall. It said "I'm actually a mouse," although it wasn't a mouse, it was a rat, in fact. A very strange rat, granted, but still, biologically a rat, with rat DNA. "Haw, yeah sure, little buddy." Billy said, readying his greatsword. Back upstairs, the furries were getting their bearings. Billy marched up the stairs and announced "Hey look I found a botion!" Turret looked at the bottle, labeled "...", and said "Nice call-back, but I'm pretty sure they renamed that to a Strawberry extract. Eden went back as he was only a guest. One of them said, "Why this?"", which is a very strange thing to say.
"They should really decide on a conventional name for it already, it's been way too long."
"Well I guess that's why they've been callin' it '...'," Billy said, "Anyway, I'll see ya', I gotta head back to the office to collect my reward." He left the house as the furries stumbled and bumbled away.
After reading it, Monika told me what she thought. "Well, it's not bad. But, I'm not sure if the main character supposed to be TurretBot or Billy. It's also pretty short and self-contained. I don't know how to plan to continue this, or if you even should."
laid track on his ass
with a styrofoam bat. / But the president never did let me back after that. / Shit, I said "Fuck you / Who the fuck needs a punk-ass choo-choo crew anywho?"
He gave the man one of his board games, and Billy Bones ran away with it cackling. Turret snapped his fingers and Billy was sucked into the board game Jumanji-style. He picked it up. The game was called "Monopoly: Capitalist Hellscape Edition", which is sort of a cross between Monopoly and Russian Roulette. Then, Billy just left.
Everyone else also left except Turret, who sat alone. He grabbed a portal gun and shot it at the moon. He shot the other portal inside himself and collapsed into the void along with most of the Earth. Then Ed complained about how he was supposed to have a starring role in this sequel. He then trotted off to another director.
Billy awoke in a rocky desert, stuck in a pit. There were sheer walls surrounding him, and some platforms that would go up the length of the walls were it not for a huge hole in the middle. There were also, quite oddly, two stop signs in the pit, one on the floor near the center, and the other on a wall over the hole in the platforms.
Billy licked a stop sign. "Mmmmm, tastes like purple..." Billy had actually gone insane, because skeletons are allergic to sand; the first symptom is going insane. The bizarre thing, though, is that there's no sand in this desert, it's all rock.
He looked back at the stop sign that he somehow licked earlier, and saw there was a quite large mushroom sitting next to it. He looked at the mushroom, and it looked back. It blinked, and said "Greetings, traveler." "What?" Billy said, "Am I still going insane? I don't see any sand here. But—" "Oh, I know what you will ask next; I've met your type before," the mushroom interrupted, "But that knowledge is beyond me. There is someone up ahead who knows." Billy sighed, "Well, okay then..."
He climbed up onto a couple of the stone platforms, just up to the gap with the stop sign hanging between it. He took one step forwards, and tripped over a can of bean. "Who the heck left a can of GeneriCo Canned Beans here?"
Why eat that garbage food when you can eat Generic Food Paste? Generic Food Paste is an all-new innovation from Nest-Lay! Generic Food Paste comes in 3 spectacular flavors*: Chocolate, Strawberry and Vanilla! Mix with water^, or eat straight from the pack!
Generic Food Paste, the best way to gain nutrition+!
*Artificially flavored, sweetened, preserved and colored
^Only works with Nest-Lay brand Generic Bottled Water
+May not contain nutrition
You eat the Generic Food Paste and yell "Where am I and who is this skeleton?" You then disappear off from whence you came. So this forum game has third person, first person, and now second person too. Wonderful.
Billy then sued the entire bean-producing industry for making cans that were so easy to trip over. His case didn't really go anywhere, though, since he was still in a pit in a rocky desert on Tattooine, and the bean cans were being used way outside their intent. Such as using them to trip people over. GeneriCo is not responsible for any injury or death caused by tripping over GeneriCo brand Baked Beans. GeneriCo is, however, responsible for such injury caused by choking on GeneriCo brand Baked Beans. Do not choke on GeneriCo brand Baked Beans. "Choking" is defined here as catching one's foot on something and stumbling or falling. GeneriCo is also not responsible for the attempted assassination of Billy.
"Wake up! You've been muttering about beans for hours now." Billy opened his skeleton eyes, and a hazy brown shape became a robed figure. He was in an adobe hut, lying in a bed and covered in another brown robe himself. The walls were filled with shelves of books and nick-knacks, and a cheap rug covered the floor. The robed figure lowered its hood, and a kind, old face emerged.
Billy said "Han' on, where the darn heck am I?" "This is my home; I found you lying down out in the desert, muttering nonsense." the old person replied. "No, I was lookin' for someone who knew exactly where I was. I was just on a job takin' care of a rat problem—" "A rat?! Be careful talking about that here, you never know who answers to the Royal Rat Authority. Anyway, I take it the mushroom told you about your knowledgeable person?"
"...so, are you the knowledgeable person?"
Again, Monika speaks to me after reading it. "Hmm... Yes, I think I am a very knowledgeable person!"
I look at her for a moment, dumbfounded. Did she really just...? "Monika, this is no time for jokes!"
She looks back at me, smiling. "Ahaha... well, it's..." Her smile fades. "S-sorry, it's hard to pay attention. Yesterday, I had... an epiphany, I guess you could say."
"We can talk about it later. Just keep writing. I'm sure you'll... uh... good luck!"
"Well, no, I'm just a substitute, but I think I can tell you what you wanted to know. You see, skeletons are allergic to sand. Keep that robe close; it will protect you, especially where you must go. You must find three lords, as corrupt as they are mighty. Defeat them and acquire their souls, then you can ease this land's burden." Billy stood up. "But... that's mean! What if they're nice people?!" "If your heart beats to justice, it is what you would do regardless," the robed figure responded, "And is it not your job to fight monsters?"
"...What? I'm an exterminator, not a bounty hunter!"
"To the eyes of a raccoon, what is the difference?" The robed person sat down. "Our roles are only what our lives allow them to be."
Billy started walking away. The man called after him: "How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real?" Billy tripped into a large bean can. He is now in a bean world. Billy does not like bean worlds.
BITCH YOU "Well, it's better than a sand world, I guess."
A bean walked up to him. It stared at him blankly. Billy tapped the bean. Its eyes fell out. It grew more eyes. The eyes on the ground became beans. The narrator stopped talking like this. Billy looked up. "Why is the world so cruel?" The sky opened up, Billy landed on the moon. On the moon, there was a hidden moon base. The door opens and Billy walked inside, trapping him. Inside was a gauntlet, with traps and obstacles throughout. A sign on the wall said that this was room 1/10. The door opened and there was another door that opened. Inside, there was another door. hehe.
After seven more doors, a bright light shone through, which faded into a glowing image of the face of a rather old, but blue-haired man. Billy walked up to it and tapped on its glassy surface. He then took out his zweihander and stabbed it, shattering the glass and revealing a path. It quickly dropped into a large hole, so Billy grabbed a shard of broken glass and dropped it down. Deciding it was safe, he jumped down next.
He landed on a dance floor, with the man on the television sitting at a desk across from it. In a rather robotic voice, the man said " "IT'S ME, WILL SMITH!"
The image on the TV changed to an image of a Goomba.
Will Smith jumped out of a blue ring on the wall and challenges you to a dance-off!
You then said "Oh, hello there skeleton dude, I'm You."
Will Smith made an overdramatic gesture. "Enough talk, Let's dance!"
Suddenly, the floor came alight with flashing red lights that seemed to move in a pattern while some spooky electronic music played. Then the lights turned blue, and sent electrical shocks through both Billy and You. The new duo then did the electric slide because, hey, it fits so why not?
Suddendly, a huge pepperoni pizza was about to have pineapples placed on top of it
, but the Noid suddenly burst into the room, rolled up the pizza, and threw it out the window. This would have been nothing more than a light-hearted joke if it didn't happen to a pizza ordered by Skinner with his crazy explanations. Noid then ran out the window, then was crushed by a truck carrying lots of Hot, burning caramel. The liquidness, while resembling lava, started to interact with his skin, destroying his skin, while he reached out to the driver, who stopped to help him. The noid then died due to 3rd degree burns all over his body. His family noted that the caramel was one of Aperture's newest inventions. It was originally designed as a flavor-enhanced variety of caramel, until they found out that it always maintained a temperature of 4000 degrees Kelvin. It was re-used as a testing element afterwards.
The noid's family decided to sue Aperture over it. However, they did not win the case. For a while, Domino's went without a mascot, until Hatsune Miku finally stood up to the task.
"So... how is it?" I asked timidly.
Monika took a second before finally responding, "I think you're losing focus. Kind of like how your first story went... actually, you know what? Ignore what I said. it's perfect. I love it. Just keep going. This is exactly what I need for... er, well, you'll see! Ahaha~!"
However, after everyone hated Miku for putting leeks on pizza, she stopped appearing outside of Japan, and a goomba named Will Smith took her place. Smith was universally praised as the best mascot of all time, although sadly his original creator, Maurice Guégan, went completely uncredited (even on Wikipedia). Smith also much later met a guy named You and a skeleton named Billy, and now you're pretty much all caught up.
You and Billy were still dancing for their lives. You was soaked in sweat, making the shocks come even harder, while Billy, sluggish from fatigue, uttered "This floor's really startin' to bother me; now where did I put that..." He took out his spray-bottle of darkness and sprayed it on the floor, insulating it from the electrical shocks. "Oh hey, it actually worked! You, come over here!" Billy said.
T, upset that Billy and the narrator had disregarded the legal name change he got while the whole slice mappack continuum. None of the less no one bothered with all of this as much.... production was hitting an all time low due to The Great Panjandrum rolling over minefields. This causes great distress among people fucking bees that came out of doorknobs.
Meanwhile, the president of The United
called in five years, but 4 years later but a giant burger squashed everything.
immediately died. but oddly no one seemed to cAre becxasdyudedftuy[/collapse] BECAUSE HE WAS REMPLACED WITH AN INKLING.
This inkling was rather small, with long, curly tentacles. Her cute
looks and personality quickly won over the people of the United States.
This spiraled out into the death of the United States as a whole.
And that, sonny, is why the War on Inkopolis is happening. "Because stupid people 75 years ago voted for a new president on looks and personality alone", croaked Old Man Whothefuckisthis. His grandchildren never understood his rants because he was literally ethereal and therefore made no noise.
Billy stabbed the television playing this nonsense, only to find that Will Smith had vanished! You was also missing. Just kidding, he was dead. Mr. Will Smith had used the forsaken Portal Gun That Works On Anything to warp him to an apple flying through space. However, Will Smith was sad because the apple was infested with headcrabs. It was also the Big Apple (also known as New York City). Everybody was screaming and dying because of the aforementioned headcrabs. Will Smith then used his teleporter to swap places with Billy.
Billy, a former exterminator, got to work. The headcrabs quickly
ＥＸＴＥ̖͕̝̜̟̈́̂̇Ｒ͔̻͟Ｍ͔̑ͪ̉̏̂ͪ̆ＩＮＡＴＥＤ ＡＬＬ ＨＥＡＤＣＲＡ̅ͤͮ̚Ｂ̺̙̥̲̓ͭͬ
̴̦̩̙̪̹̅̅̓̈́͌̆Ｉ͓̌̃ͣ͠Ｎ͚͈̋ͫ ͕ͫ̔ͥ̍Ｎ̜͔ＥＷ ＹＯＲＫ ＣＩＴＹ ＡＮＤ
̫͓̟̃͢Ｍ͚̥̃ͪ͆̒͒ͬ͜Ｉ҉̼Ｌ̠̩͈̣̤̀̂Ｌ́ͅＩＯＮ ＤＯＬＬＡＲ then he looked at that weird text with all the combining diacritics and slowly shook his head with disdain.
Monika, just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Monika was shocked by the sudden mention, but responded nonetheless: "Stop? But I'm helping you!"
Well you're gonna need to get better at writing to actually help.
She sighed. "I just can't win, can I? That wasn't easy to do, you know!"
I don't know how you think poor writing ability is going to help you "win" anything.
"Ahaha... okay, okay, I get it. Just-- wait..."
I once again walked back into the club room, eager to show Monika what I'd written the night before. Oddly, she appears to already be talking to someone.
"Monika, who are you talking to?"
"Wait, wait no--"
Billy then looked at his 'million dollar'... "Well, I guess she's dealt with for now. What was my objective again? Will Smith... ugh, screw it. I should just go back home. Or to my next clientèle. Who was after that Turret fellow again?... Ah yes, I remember, it was T, the man who got a name change while the whole slice mappack continuum. But why was he after Turret? I don't remember. And wasn't there something about the Lordvessel, or was that just the sand?"
Billy decided he would do nothing out of the ordinary, so he bought a plane ticket to Svalbard, Norway. Unfortunately, after Billy got on the plane, it was hijacked by a certain dancing green alien that everyone remembers from a previous forum game. I'm of course referring to Chuck Sucks, who is not actually dancing, green, nor an alien, and nobody remembers him from the "Super Staby0urself Bros. Story" forum game, but fuck you it's my story I can say what I want.
Billy got up, and one of Chuck's goons immediately drew a knife on him. "Go 'head and stab me; ya've got nothing to cut." said Billy. He then took out his spray bottle of congealed darkness and threw the entire bottle into the air, activating its hidden power of splatting on the ceiling and getting everywhere! In the confusion, Billy dashed into the cockpit where Chuck Sucks was hiding.
Chuck Sucks then shot Billy into another dimension that was the exact same as our dimension except it was infested with Sonic OC's. Billy then just left and slapped Chuck with his bony hand.
Grandmaster Jimothy crackled over the radio: "We're being attacked by ; we are cutting our losses and pulling out! I repeat, we are cutting our losses and pulling out!"
Chuck Sucks suddenly banked the plane, knocking Billy over. Billy rolled over to the door, down the isle, and into the cargo hold. He rummaged around for a bit until he found what he was looking for: his zweihänder. He charged back into the cockpit and planted his sword firmly in the floor, telling Chuck to die, but Chuck ignored this because Chuck has enough brain cells to process that he should not follow the request of death.
The sword being planted into the floor of the plane destroyed a component essential for the plane to function. The plane catches fire and blows up. Upon escaping the wreckage, you find that Chuck Sucks is dead, as he tripped over a can of GeneriCo canned beans. You enter a building, but a swarm of Manhacks fly at you. You then remebers that this story isn't in second-person, and that his name is T.
You Watanabe then remebers that she isn't in this story. Billy was eventually found alive (despite the odds of both him and T surviving in the plane crash), but with his left leg and several ribs broken. He was laying in an infirmary bed waiting for his casts to set, when Grandmaster Jimothy entered the room. Billy immediately sat up. "I see you're conscious this time. Good, good. Don't worry, after what you did to our plans, we will kill you eventually, but we want to be honorable about this. I will challenge you to a duel once you have recovered. Oh, and don't worry about your sword; we're all good with weapons in this compound, we'll take good care of it." Billy started to get out of the bed, but Jimothy quickly responded: "I wouldn't, if I were you. You need to wait for you bones to heal, and, heh, that's really all you have left."
Here's some things that I have actually wanted to say for a little while now, regarding the forum game(unrelated to the actual story)
Now, regarding all the retarded bullshit I did back in 2015-2016(woah now it went back in time to a previous post because reasons, or some other thing that fucks up continuity), it was fucking shit, and I wholeheartedly admit that it was fucking shit. Can we all just stop doing said stupid bullshit, because even as a joke(oh look, we're fucking up continuity like villager did heaps a few years ago) it fucks with the game and it makes it less fun.Now, let's put this crap to rest, and continue the story.
Billy then left the room to get a coffee. He entered what he assumed to be break room, when suddenly, he spotted a massive, furred, bulbous creature with a hundred fleshy tendrils going along the floor and into the walls. He quickly left the room before it noticed him, and slunk back into the exam room. On the other side of the break room, T was firing at the abomination with what sounded like lightning, but abruptly stopped. He came into the exam room.
"T! I thought you were dead!" exclaimed Billy. "Yeah, I almost was. Luckily, that dance floor gave me lightning powers. I just came here for, uuh, I forgot..." "'Ey, weird question: have ya' ever heard of a puppeteer mouse?" "Y... No." "Nasty little critters, they take over 'yer body and mind and use you like a puppet, hence the name. I'm immune, 'cause I barely got a body left to take over, being an undead skeleton. Some strange things have been happening to ever since I exterminated one a while back; I was just wondering if they had any hexes or curses they could use."
"No.." T said strangely, glancing quickly at the door. "I don't think they have any hexes in them..."
"I thought 'ya said you've never seen one." Billy replied. T's eyes widened. "Yeah, just guessing." "Well, this bag of bones's 'bout 'ta get rattled. I'm gonna rest up 'til the duel."
He rested up. 'Til the duel. And then the thread was purged oh wait it wasn't because i make this post at the last second to save it heck yeaa!!!
Meanwhile, in a time long, long ago in a place far, far away - relatively so - the first full book on Collective Tale 2 lore was about to undergo publication. Unfortunately, there was a rights issue due to Akko's presence (though strangely not Lotte, Sucy, the Tetris pieces, Tatooine, Monika, 7 Grand Dad, several Stabyourself.net forum member OCs, Super Monkey Ball, Cory Doctorow, Monika, elements lifted straight from Portal, or the lack of an end paren. This was solved by tactical homicide, or, to put it in a much nicer way: the ruthless slaughter of anyone who protested.
The book's author and lead researcher, Dr. Strange (he's using his made-up name) then began to speak to crowd there to get a signed copy of his latest work. "H-hewwo? Iwm Dr. Strange (he's using his made up name). I howp you'we awl hawwing a niwce day towday. We wiww now bwegin thwe siwgning wwwwwwwwwww"
By the time he'd finished speaking (and pronouncing the w's out loud), everyone at the Collective Tale 2 protest was already mowed down by his publishing company. He had collected very few signatures. He then collapsed quite suddenly. The cause of death was exhaustion, and he had a strange fleshy growth at the base of his neck. This was quickly identified as a tumor caused by a superconductor being turned up full-blast and pointed at him for the duration of the test. To be honest, they were throwing science at the wall to see what sticks. They had no idea what it would do. Probably nothing. Best case scenario, he could have gotten superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which they forgot to cut out because someone decided to let their kid run amok in the Repulsion Gel pumping station, which caused a myriad of problems they needed to fix. In response, the Blue Portals Research Facility banned all children, and sent some Engineers (BLU, of course) to fix the pumps. They were partway through fixing the pumps when, suddenly, they were ambushed by RED Engineers, and a RED Spy disguised as a BLU Engineer. The three then revealed that they were actually Orange Spies from Aperture Science. "OH NO!" SAYS THEM, WE HAVE BEEN AMBUSHED" After the spies did their job, they set down a wire crate with a clunk. Anyone who set foot in that room thereafter was never the same again.
The facility was abandonded sometime thereafter, and a strange zombie named Jimothy would come to take residence there. The reason for this is that Jimothy was very stupid and he doesn't know how to use a GPS. He wouldn't have known that, since recent events had knocked most operational GPS satellites out of orbit, but regardless, he needed a place to stay after all the nonsense he'd just been through. Then he got a bottle of beer out of nowhere and mixed it with a bottle of ..., creating the legendary mixed drink "juice that revives a random character from the first story arc for no particular reason" Suddenly, the ground shook as a thunderous cacophany of squeaking mice converged and coalasced into the form of a man, slavic in appearance and clad in a workman's jumpsuit.
Meanwhile, in some random remote location, in a secret lab in the middle of nowhere, Cave Johnson died. His corpse was harvested and used to build a scarecrow, which is good because there was a bird infestation problem Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on whom you ask), the smell from the corpse attracted much worse pests; the ones who pronounce gif like jif.
They begun pelting everything with angry forum posts and jars of peanut butter. However, the great hero known as Slippery Boi (Another fake name) jumped onto the scene! The scene was very displeased by this. It threw Slippery Boi away, because he was rude, and called John Freeman, a more polite hero, to save the day. In an act of proving himself, Slippery Boi takes Cave Johnson's carcass to a less jiffer infested perch. But everyone else cares about John Freeman, who is attempting to defeat the jiffers. He pulls out his wepon and begins firing at the jiffers. His weapon, however, was a sword and thus the only thing it fired was the slight amount of air it displaced when swung.
Luckily for John Freeman, this light breeze was enough to defeat the jiffers. Thankfully, his claymore sword was enough here, and he didn't even need to use his other weapon, wepon.
All this peanut butter began attracting rats, though, and something strange happened to them after being exposed to a particularly mutagenic experiment: they began to grow extra tails. Slippery Boi returns to help fight the monsters, John Freeman with the jiffers, him with the omnitailed rats, but as they all get into their fighting stances, the rats rear back their tails and pierce the bases of their skulls. They then all stop, and go to help the rats out. An Aperture science employee who had been hiding under a desk saw this, and, seeing as how the rat's tails resembled the strings of a puppetmaster, dubbed them "puppeteer mice" like an idiot 'cause they're rats.
The science employee goes to save Slippery Boi & John Freeman from the PM's, but has to make two athletic rolls (one each). After doing this, the employee discovers that both of them ar͖̤̂͂ͧ̊ͨ̉e̳̾ ̲͙̝ͯ̿̎ͪͣͅde̷̔̇ͤ̂̓̆ͥͧ̈̀̅ͯ̐̓ͥͣͦ̚҉̵̝͉̺̰̯̦̟̣̺̖̠͓͓͙̕͝a̷̸̘͍̺̱̖͉͓͇͕̠͈̤̫̬̅̏͑̿̈ͬ͑̄̓̍̔̀̚͟RmluYWxseSwgdGhlIHBheW9mZiB0byB0aGF0IHJlYWxseSBzdHVwaWQgTW9uaWthIGFyYw== Ā̤̘̻̪̞̐ͯĹ̲̝̯̯̞͐̅ç̀Ũ̳̥ý̄̔̇̽̏͏̙̼͚̗̺Ụ̮̪͈̹̤͓̄Ë͔̟͚͔̔̈́ͥ̌́͊͊͝Ç͚̫̼̥͂̄̅̕ı̮̠̫̈̂̓ͦ̚±̩́̾̉ŧ̸̱͓͍̘͖̎ͅÝ͐̅̽̆ͪ҉̼̪̮̱̯͎͕ÃĨ̷̻̝̱͙͈͙̝̔ͫ͆͗͋ḁ́͌ͧ͋͑̋ͥĆĂͩ͑ͥ̿Ĉ̟͖̼͉̰̟͛ͫͫͧĸ͎͓̟͔̯ͅŠ̪̼̩̂̒̂͌̈́ͬųͧ̌҉̖̫̠ń̳̳̽̍́ͭħͯ͂̒͏̰̘̭ŀ̵̠̞͒ͣͣͯŌ̷̩̣̬ͤ̇̿ª̱̤ͩ̿͑̏̂ĉ̲̳͉̰̹̜͓̈́̒̇͑¡̹͖͕͙̰ͭͪ̏̊̓̋µ̡̰̜͙̺̼̞͖̂ğ̛̞ͭ͂̽̆ͨ»̨̫̆ő̶͕̜̙͙̾·̦̩̭͐̾̊͊͌̋ͬ̕ř̏҉̖̥ĕ̳̩̰̰̩̺͚̐͆͊̋͟Ŋ̞͙̪͂́̓̚ÖŎ̮̻̼͙Ù̥̼̃͐ͩ͢Ğ̳̳̣͓͖͉̌ͪ͗͢Ì̊͌̓҉͙̠͎͖ģ͉̇͌ê̫̬͆́̀Ő̩͉̰͎̱Ń̲͎͓̤͍͌̈́̽̚̕Ÿ̥́̓̆̄͑ͪŔ̨͉͍̺̉̏̌͆ͩ͊ͧŹ͔͚͘ņ͈̖̃̔̐̀̉͠ž̰ͭͯ̃̽
Three human corpses, two dead rat mutations, and some minor wreckage are located within an Aperture Science mutagenic experimentation lab, near a newly-built scarecrow. It is quickly noticed by the higher-ups, and a disposable employee is sent to clean up the area and investigate.
A teenage girl, brunette with green eyes, is in the midst of the wreckage, still getting her bearings. She calls out, "Ahh~ Success. Hey, Biiilly~! I got myself into the story! ... Billy?" A look of disappointment and annoyance forms on her face as the realization hits her. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me. This isn't the right part of the story at all, is it? Ugh..."
The door to the room she is in slowly opens; the employee sent to investigate has arrived with a flashlight. He quickly notices the girl.
"Hey! Who are you? This room is for authorized personnel only!", the employee shouts out.
"Oh, hello, mister! Uh, I'm Monika, and... um, I don't know how I got here..."
"Sigh, were you part of a teleportation experiment? I can lead you back to the lobby, but I need to investigate some crap here first."
5 days have passed since then, the warehouse is now under deconstruction due to various reasons, mostly because of the disappearance of 2 people. Billy meanwhile, has successfully managed to beat his captors in a battle and was set free for 5 days, and now those days are up.
Billy is walking with his friend "T" through a jazz filled alleyway, where they discuss what's been happening in their lives so far.
"You think they've already sent out some goons to get us by now?" asked T. "I'll bet." Billy replied, "Hey, who's that over there?!" T looked and only saw some random teen girl. His eyes then suddenly widened as he felt a sharp, sabbing pain at the base of his skull. He looked around at an unfamiliar alleyway, tense and shaking, until he saw a quite familar skeleton. "Billy! You're alive! After I lost you at Will Smith's dance floor, I thought for sure you were dead, er, deader. But it gave me--" "Lightning powers?" Billy finished, "Ya' see this?" Billy held up a small, slender growth of flesh, bloodied at one end. "This is the tail tip of a puppeteer mouse, a type a' rat that can take over human hosts. I found it on you, and whatever it came from is still out there an' still powerful."
"Do I need to stop purchasing clothes at run-down thrift stores from now on?" The studio audience laughed, and sunk back into the background before anyone noticed them. "That shouldn't matter, T sees a shop nearby, if Billy is to win this next fight, he'll need some new gear. That being his captors still have his sword." said that random teen girl. She walked up to duo and intoduced herself as Homsar III. She followed up with "Billy and T stared at her in confusion as she attempted to take over the narrator's job. Come to think of it, was the narrator even a physical entity?"
"Yer' not the goon they sent, are ya'?" Billy asked.
"She didn't even bother answering that question, as she was already about to pull up her sleeves and strangle T to death." T made a break for it (specifically, from the jazz-filled alleyway to the funk-filled alleyway), but a burly man pinned him to the ground right as he turned the corner. "...or so she told herself, right before the actual goons arrived." Billy somehow managed to make his skull look unamused, and then dashed at the goon and sprayed some darkness on his face. T then channeled the electricity in a nearby neon (actually xenon) sign, which went dark as a flash of electricity arced right into the man, who passed out and fell to the ground.
The teen girl appeared behind the two, and spoke. "Impressive~! ...I lied earlier; my name isn't Homsar III, it's Monika."
Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!
I assure you, we have only the best writers on board.
"Wait, Monika? I know that name... aren't you the one who--"
"Y-Yeah... um... I'm really sorry... you know, about the whole, um... headcrab, million dollars... thing... but, after a whole 74 posts, I finally figured out how this all works, I think."
"I just want to help you however I can, Billy. It's so nice to finally meet you~" Monika holds her hand out for a handshake. She then happily announces, "Billy returns the gesture."
"So... if you're here to help me, then I suppose you know something 'bout these mutant rats? 'Cause these are really dangerous. I have heard tales about them, and recent news stories on my 'days off'."
Yeah, I have seen those three people fall victim to them on my way here. I still don't know what really happened to them, but I know I can figure it out!"
T rushes back with some weapons for Billy, Monika introduces herself and T decides to give her some as well. "After all, Monika will need to defend herself if she is to help Billy on his quest" Monika narrates.
Billy picked out a large sword from the pile, and said "A claymore, huh? Not as good as a zweihänder, but it'll do. Besides, I hope I won' even need ta' use it, but... I don't think that'll happen." Monika sifted through the weapons for a bit until she found a gun, "A 1987 claymore, with various attachments for aiming, silence, and more damage" She describes.
She chooses a set of daggers instead. There's no way she can't shoot a gun properly, "hell, she can barely play piano" she narrates.
"Wait, how do ability to play piano and ability to fire a gun correlate?"
"...T decides to stop questioning Monika's weapon choice."
"It's really creepy how you do that. Anyway..." T bent down and picked out a riot shield from the pile. "This is all I need. So, what's the plan?" Billy cleared his nonexistant throat, "Well, we need ta' get back to that compound Jimmothy was in." "Wait..." said T. "But on our terms, not theirs. Y'all ready?"
And so they head off to the compound, it's at least a five day walk from there. That's right, buddy, just keep on walking.
Monika was fed up with walking, and started stealing my job again. "Then, the group found an abandoned car with the keys still in it and--" But Monika was interrupted by me, the actual narrator, taking my job back and introducing the next dialogue from Billy:
"Right, keep dreaming. We're not gonna find..." Billy spotted a vehicle in the corner of the eye that he doesn't have because he's a skeleton, "...an abandoned..."
Monika giggled. "Found it~!"
"What is this, PublicG?"
Anyways, they open up the car door and pack into the car. It's soon discovered that it's a "Model 3 Tesla Roadster"
There's a bit of cash in the car, and the drivers liscense is conveintly that of one of the goons they murdered a few days ago. The turn on the ingnition, start up the radio, and with T at the wheel, they drive off.
2 hours later they return to the complex where Billy's former captor stands waiting at the entrance, smiling maliciously.
Billy slowly got out of the car, rain reflecting off his skull, and walked up to Jimmothy. "I see you've made it. Welcome!" Billy then walked right through him. "Ya' know, I still don't get why Jimmothy 'nstalled a holographic replica of himself at the entrance. This ain't even the main one."
As the three walked inside the lobby, they saw a man sitting tight in a chair. "Who's there?!" demanded T, arcs of electricity jittering between his fingers. "I just came here to get out of the rain!" he said in a thick Russian accent. The lowered their guard, but not completely. He continued "I was just dealing with some three mean witches who ruined my workplace, and then... Am I dead? Ehch, nyet, that's stupid." Billy spoke, "There're some... parasites here that're really dangerous. It's best ya' either leave or get out."
Meanwhile, in a completely different time and place, an Aperture Science employee was crossing a catwalk while carrying something close to his chest. He quickly slipped by a coworker, then heard "What's that you're carrying?" He paused for a full second, the agonizingly slowly turned towards her. "It's just a lost baby mouse I found. It seems friendly." he said. The coworker took a close look at it and said "Pretty sure that's a rat." "Hey, I know my stuff!" "I work in biology; you're just a test chamber designer." "Well anyway, do you remember that guy we contracted for something not too long ago? Uhh, something-Bot. Well, I need to go visit him for something." He raised his left arm back and felt the base of his skull. "Yeah, I'll see if I can find his name somewhere in the records."
"Damn, it's locked." said Billy, hitting a door in the lobby with his claymore's pommel. "Oh, I might have a solution for this!" said the russian man, who went up to the door and produced some tetrominoes from a sack. He held one up to the lock, then another on the first, and they suddenly vanished, taking the lock with it. The door limply swung open.
As the group enteres the room, a loud blaring noise blares in the compound as an old intercom system fires up. "Ah, it's nice to see you know how to get around, Billy..." It was Jimmothy, Billy could tell. "... I see you brought some, unwanted visitors." T shouts "Hey I'm his friend, I'm not unwan-" Billy snaps his fingers over the intercom. As the sound echoes through the complex, conviently placed trapdoors open up beneath everyone except billy. Just as Billy hears his friends (and the random russian guy) screaming, the trapdoors close up again, and the screams are drowned out by Jimothy's moniacal laughing. The trapdoors opened up as Jimothy laughed. They weren't very sturdy trapdoors, you see, they open up at so much as a loud sound. At least they close themselves.
In a similarly unrelated time and place, TurretBot (who had since taken up the moniker of Homsar III, as the real Homsar III had been retired for 15 years and living like a king in
Patagonia) was drifting through a light-grey ( #EBEBEB ) void. His eyes opened;
|“||shit am i part of the story again|
A response rung in his ears, not spoken so much as broadcasted:
|“||Yeah, it's by the stys community, they put cameos in anything.|
Another voice called out:
|“||Besides, you are needed. For one final task.|
He reluctantly gave in:
The void became brighter and brighter until it was nothing but white, as TurretBot covered his eyes to no avail.
"So..." said Jimmothy, "Now we have a place to talk, one on one. I'm sure you already know about me." Billy nodded, even though no one would see it. "After all," Jimmothy continued through clenched teeth, "You murdered my brother. All he wanted to do was design games, and you killed him for it. What's a good sister to do?"
This moment was interrupted by the Russian man climbing out of his trapdoor after filling the pit below with tetrominos. "This Jimothy, your brother, is dead? But who made the laughing that I heard when-"
"No, you fool, Jimmothy... or was it Jimothy--I can't remember myself, was nothing but a tool. My brother never came to this compound; I just used someone else to keep an eye on him."
"Listen, Jimothy. I don't know who you are or why you want to kill me, just what do you want with me anywh-"
"QUIET! You know your crimes!" a thousand voices cried out in a cacophanous howl.
As the screams had silenced out a gigantic door opened up infront of them, Billy had finally got a looks at his foe.
She stood infront of a mass of people, as it opened further it became evident that theese people were acting much like rats, some with rats visibly grafted onto their skin. They ignoree them, she seemed to be their leader
, the largest rat by far, with thousands of tails and Jimmothy standing steadfast in front of her.
Page 9 bois!
"Shit!" shouts Billy, as the realization hits him that it's an army of puppeteering puppeteer mice. "W- We goota get th' hell out of this place!" The door closes in on him, and he smashes his skull into the door. The Tetris worker immediately notices the problem, and starts hastily stacking tetronimoes, messing up a few times. Billy bangs on the door attempting to bust it open. It was a pull door, that had no handles on the side they were on... A one-way door. Jimothy attempts to continue to monologue again. "Come on, Billy. That was such a nice conversation we were having! Let's talk a bit more... and..." A rat tail bounced off his spine. "And..." It bounced off again. "Oh. Well, you would have made a good soldier."
Billy took out his spray-bottle of congealed darkness, and started spraying the oncoming puppet people. He eventually sprayed so much of it that it made a concealed dome around him and the Tetris worker so that they couldn't see at all. Eventually a hole broke in the door so the two made a break for it.
However, as they ran out, the army started screaming loudly, to activate the trapdoors. Billy and the Tetris worker fall in the trapdoor holes, where Billy meets up with Monika again, and the Tetris worker with T.
The floor above them is shuffling with an army of puppet people, so they can't go back up where they came in. "Damn," said Billy, "Today is not a good day." The four of them heard a clunk and felt the floor begin to rumble. Soft klaxons spurred to life with amber lights dancing circles around the room. The walls were closing in.
"Hey block guy! There somethin' ya' can do 'bout this?" pressured Billy. The Russian worker started on some rows of tetrominoes on the ground for the crushers, but they vanished. "Neyt! Nyet!" he replied, then shouted some Russian. "The blocks work on any axis but up and they're not wide enough, so we either get crushed or pushed to shreds!"
T then stood up. "I have an idea!" He began looking around the room, scanning. "If I can just find the contro— Ah, there!" He shot a random part of the wall with lightning, and the sirens went dead as the lights went dark. The four heard a softer clunk, and saw a door with a green light near it.
Meanwhile, on Phobos, the whole slice mappack continuum. (This explains a lot.)
Suddenly, a portal opened, and two figures emerged clad in spacesuits, one orange and one white, each holding a broomstick. They have come to clean Phobos of it's space dust. One of them walked up to the most official-looking person in the room and said "Hello. We're from Luna Nova, the new moon, and we've just been informed of a potentially dangerous dust on this planet, we're the janitors."
The person responds "Eee! den its u hu clean the wrockz, yezz?"
The two are speechless... "Yeah, that's us..." Suddenly, the one in orange quickly turned to the other and urgently said "Hang on, I've pick up some strange energy signals from this universe. They might be urgent; we should tell management!"
Monika chuckled at the orange one's eager remark.
"Management? Don't get ahead of yourself, Claire."
"How do you know my--"
"Claire is wearing an intern space suit from Luna Nova... and might I add, she's already managed to get a coffee stain on it. Those suits don't wash well. Ahaha~ Her white-suited companion might only be a beginner witch - but at least she's locked into the system now! If anyone should be calling management, it's her. But even still, the higher-ups at Luna Nova are very powerful witches; do these two really think they'd miss something if it was so important?"
Monika then turned to Billy, and in more of a whisper, explained: "Luna Nova is an extremely prestigious magic school and missionary center... but not these two ninnies."
"Hang on," he responded slowly, "Like that cartoon that guy at work keeps goin' on about?"
Claire then responded "Ah, that makes sense. You must have us confused with a version of us from another universe. So um... where did you learn to teleport?"
"We what now!?" Billy asked. "Well hell, I hope T and that Russian guy can handle that damb rat. Based on the gravity I'd say we're on Deimos or somethin'. It'll take us ages to get back to Earth from 'ere."
He hears a ringing from his pocket, he just remembered he was wearing his extermininator suit from when he was at Turret's house with his problem. He grabbed his cellphone from his pocket and unlocked it. "Hey, what's going on with you two? you just kinda went up and left!" T was on the other end, "I just noticed the glass wall between the two of us, but we're at the door now!" Billy responds, "Okay, what's behind it?" "The block man is checking it out right now, and he- Damn it! My battery is dying, I gotta go!" T hangs up, Billy noticed that his phone is dying as well, he'll need to find a way to charge it soon.
Monika walks over, "And Billy feels a bit oblivious, just noticing that Monika had a chat with the two girls before they went janitoring." she narrates. Billy then says, "Okay, we need to head back soon, my phone's gonna die soon. It's the only way we can talk with T and th' Block Guy." Then they go off away from the office they stood in. They notice a random purple flash behind them, but shrug it off as lightning as it just so happened to be raining on Phobos at the moment.
After a bit of walking they
remember that Phobos is too small to support an atmosphere. The look up, and see a large space ship spraying water on the surface of the moon, droplets clumping together into perfect spheres before being stretched apart by the celestial body. They see another flash as the ship erratically moves out of position, and
keeps making white flashes as the water goes into the circutry, making sparks. It crashes nearby, however there was nobody inside. It was a small drone.
The was looking around what seems to be an abondoned facility (aperture brand) with 'Block Guy' And there is mess everywhere. A sign nearby shows them that it's a "Portable Quantum Tunneling Rifle Testing Initiative" building. "Hey look at that!" T exclaims, with his voice reverberating the dimly lit area around him, "with any luck, we can get our hands on a portal gun or two! Let's get searchin."
(T, by the way, is short for The)
actually, i think it's supposed to be "T he"... NOT! Haha prankéd!
"pranked" is not spelled with an é
In a desperate attempt to keep the story going, T looks behind him to see that the door behind them mysteriously closed behind them, and it doesn't have a doorknob. This time the block man doesn't decide to break the door, and goes to bridge to the gap between them and the rest of the facility. The two were in a room with a couple of metal cubes, a red one that was really hot, and a blue one that was freezing cold.
T doesn't like brain puzzles, so he used his electricity powers to try and open the door, but can't access any open circuitry to electrocute. The block guy starts prodding the metal cubes with a tetronimo. pushing them together. The two polar opposites cancel each-other out, so they are now indistinguishable asides from a fire and snowflake icon on each blocks' face respectively. They both then carry the blocks onto the buttons and open the next door.
They see a button surrounded by doors and headcrabs. T immediately begins electrocuting the head-crabs, and makes way for the button.
Sorry for the double post, we just needed to keep the story going, capiche?
wasn't paying attention to the glass doors sorrounding the butto, and
ran headfast into it: shattering it into millions of pieces and
releasing more headcrabs.
Block guy held back and was bludgeoning the headcrabs with his tetronimo from earlier.
"Clear!" T shouted, then held his arms up and created a ball of lightning that he then spread out over all the headcrabs, electrocuting them. As the room settled, he then asked the Russian worker "Hey, can you get this faceplate off the button here?" The worker walked over to the button, they layed out some tetrominoes until the diameter vanished, and the two remaining segments fell to the floor with a clank. T then crouched down, arcs of electricity bolting from finger to finger on his left hand, and said "I should be able to fuse the contacts together, but it'll take a lot of power."
He does it succsesfully, opening the next room. T continues talking, "You know, for being a portal gun testing thing, there's not alot of puzzles involving portals." He stopped as he heard a couple cracks open in the ceiling, and got knocked out by some debris from an above room.
wakes up to see the block guy with a set of portal guns, one being worn
on his left arm, the other held with his right hand. "Guns from room
upstairs, helpful isn't it?" Says the block guy. T responds groggily,
trying his best to sound as awake as possible "Yeah. Sure was, can I
have one...?" He nearly passes out again as the block guy tosses him the
other gun. "Take rest," block man says, "haven't slept properly yet?
You take rest."
I'm trying to sound as not racist as possible right now, but I don't think I'm doing russian right! :T
Meanwhile, Billy and Monika were shuffling through the streets of Phobos when an older woman walked up to them. "I've seen you pass by this road three times now, and I haven't seen you around, dont'chaknow. Are you lost?" Billy started "Uhh..." "Yeah. We were looking for some place to spend the night." Monika finished. "Oh! You can spend the night at my house. My boy, Jimothy hasn't been here for a while; you can sleep in his old rüm. My name's Jenjamin; nice to meet'cha!"
Jenjamin brings the two into her house, and seats them down as she heads off to make some refreshments.
Billy then strikes up some conversation with Monika, hoping to see if she can get them back to earth. "Ey Monika, how dya even get us to this weird ol' moon anyways?"
Double post to keep this alive, sorry bout that!
Monika stays silent, and loses a little bit of her usual preppy composure.
"Heh, the cat gotcha tounge?"
She stays silent, and begins to turn her head away from Billy.
Billy takes the notion to not press the question, and leans back into his seat.
Jenjamin returns with some tea and a tray of cookies, she places it on the Lazy-Suzan on the table, then finds a seat for her to sit on. She lets the two know that they can start to eat. Monika reaches for a cup of tea on the table, and regains her composure after a few sips. Billy is reluctant to take anything, for skeletons don't drink or eat due to their lack of organs. Jenjamin starts some small talk with her geusts, "Well how didja two find yourself lost here anyways? 'ts been pretty isolated our town as of late." Billy rested his chin in his bony hand and recollected for a moment. "Well, 't'all started on a plane to Norway, back on Earth. Someone highjacked it and we touched down around... Ohio, maybe? Then a zombie named Jimothy held me hostage 'till I escaped; well, a parasite controlling Jimothy, at least. I's just on my way to exterminate it, when I must'a got teleported here by a couple a' strange witches."
"That's quite the odyssey. What about you, Monika?"
"Well, umm..." she trailed off, idly eyeing the room around her, gazing over all the sports memorabilia for an American football team called the Phobos Nords. Her eye was then caught by a sewn picture that simply inscribed the word "Uffda!!"
She was stalling, she knew that she couldn't tell the truth about how she had teleported herself and Billy got there. She dodges the question and asks Jenjamin about the sewn picture. Before Jenjamin could respond, however, the three heard a strange noise and a knock at the door. Jenjamin answered. "What can I do ya for?" A young woman wearing an orange flight suit and a witch's hat stood outside and responded: "Hello. I'm Akko, from Luna Nova, the New Moon. I've been sent to get some info from a skeleton named Billy and a teenage girl called Monika." "Oh! Yahyoubetcha! Right this way, Akko."
Akko sat down at the table, and Jenjamin left to get everyone hot chocolate. "Hello Billy, two of my colleagues said you might have some info on the second-coming of a threat we've had before." "What, those two from Little Witch Academia?" Billy replied. "Hah! I'd say we're more like Big witch academia, but I work security anyways. If you met my friend Lotte, though, she's a real academic. But anyways, you didn't happen to meet a Russian man who uses tetrominoes to control matter, have you?" "I met some'un of the sort, yeah. He helped me get into an abandoned science facility back on Earth so we could deal with a mutant rat." "Earth, got it." she said, and teleported away. Jenjamin came back into the room with four mugs of hot coco, "Where did that witch head off to?"
T and the Russian worker were slowly making their way through the office halls of the facility. "So..." T said, "I don't think I ever got your name." "Борис." "What?" "Uh, Boris." "Oh, nice to really meet you. So, what's that design on your bag?" He got it out and held it up to T. "It's a soviet hammer and sickle made of tetrominoes. They gave it to me on my first day of work, and it's kind of special, you know?" Boris answered, then held out his arm to stop T. "Wait, hold up. Let's not go this way, I see one of the mean witches. I don't really want to talk with her now."
T Uphanded Very Weighted Storage Cubes and threw them at a witch, which caused a big
switching of the portability of the witch's leg to non-portable. The witch tried to run, but found their leg was stuck in the air. They started producing longer sentences, which weakened the witch's slow time spell by the length of each sentence. Meanwhile, Billy and Monika walked up to the most official-looking person in the room, and Billy asked "Do ya' know of anywhere we could find a transport back ta' Earth?" He replied "Yezz, I can get yu dere, for a pricze! My name iz Darvo, and ai can geet you a spot on my vezzel, if yu make up the lost spacze."
Darvo described what he wanted, so Billy and Monika headed out to find them!
During their walk Billy wanted to express some of his thoughts, "..."
It's everyday bro with the forecast for today. Thanks, Turret. Today's weather: Nothing! There's literally no atmosphere. Luckily, skeletons don't technically need to breathe. Monika, on the other hand, Is a video game character, and does what she wants despite Collective Tale 2™ not explicitly saying what she is capable of, she just is. That has been the weather forecast for today, and I'll see you tomorrow! because it's everyday bro..."
TurretBot reopened his eyes to see he was back in the ( #EBEBEB ) void again, he almost immediately heard the familiar voice respond.
|“||I see you are well more capable than we expected, you will be perfect for the task at hand... Nice forecasting by the way.|
Turret was confused about how to respond at first, but then had found something he wanted to say for a long while to them
|“||this should have ended in page 4|
|“||Frankly, I'd'a gone with page 9, but I digress.|
He closed his eyes again.
Monika came back to Darvo holding something, with Billy leading. "Uhh, mister? Would this pay for our ride?" she said, holding out some sort of portable media device. "Ahh, are deez blueprints for some ascaris negaatorrs? I'm sure I could seell thees to some deperate Tenno. Welcome abord! It may not be comfortable, but I can geet you dere."
T was following Boris as they quickly crept through the halls of the old Blue Portals compound. "Oi, suka bl...in!" as a witch warped in front of him, "Don't scare people like that." said Boris. "Damb it really is you!" Akko replied. "Tell me Akko, why did your friend deestroy my workplace?"
Akko struggled to find the words to describe what she wanted to say, she was cut off by Boris again. "Nyet, you don't tell me. I have a demand, give my workplace back and I'll leave you alone. Not, and I'll hurt you until you do." Akko flinched at Boris' threat, but considered the outcomes if she were to restore his workplace. T glanced over at Boris. First with fear, and afterwards with suprise, "Wait, does that mean you're gonna leave us, Boris?" Boris payed no attention to T's inquiry and stared directly at Akko, with the notion of pressing his demands. Akko stepped back until she was in the corner of the room: With her looking worriedly at Boris, Boris staring directly back into her eyes, and T glancing between the two of them with conflicted feelings of Fear and Sadness.
"Jimothy" stared up into the sky with his rotting eyes, the army of rats shuffling behind, he glanced around for any traces of Billy's gang. but could not find any. But as he seemed to be in defeat, he looked up into the sky to see a bright glowing light in the night sky. In Darvo's ship Billy looked outside to see, in releif, the compund where Jimothy was camping. But in utter fearful confusion to see them speeding towards it with no signs of stopping. "HOLY HELL! What the hell are you doing Darvo?! You're on a crash course with earth right about now if ya didn't notice! We are gonna die if ya don-" Darvo only lifted a finger to let Billy know to shut up, as they hit the cracked dirt with a tremendous thump. Billy glared outside to see they were in perfectly OK condition after the crash! Darvo remarked, "Ceee? De ascaris negaators in teh zhip leav it unzkraged!" Billy and Monika stared at eachother in confused astonishment.
Monika started "I... I thought an ascaris was a type of parasite." "Eh, eet workz." Darvo replied.
Boris reached into his bag of tetrominoes, but stopped, "Nyet, I've shed enough blood over this." He put his bag aside. "I do not know why I am here, but while I am, all I need is my job back. I do not even need my old boss, Alexy. I need your organization to replace what it destroyed." Akko set up a defensive charm, "One of your blocks was cursed, man."
Akko pauses for breath, "There was this doomsday device that was going to be made, and one of your blocks was part of it. We were only trying to help!" Boris falters, but for only a second. But he is distracted again when he and T heard a familiar cacophonous screeching. T responded, "It's the rat things again, It seems that Billy and Monika might be in trouble out there! We need to go help them." Akko looks up, she responds after a small cough, "Are you talking about up there at the warehouse? I can get you there... but help me up first." Boris is reluctant to help her up, but T supports Akko's bruised arm on his shoulder. Akko stands up, she coughs again. Akko raises her other arm, with her wand in hand, and teleports them to ontop of the Warehouse.
The three of them see, first and foremost, the mass of screeching puppet people outside of the building. A massive alien ship crashed into the front of the warehouse, getting sratched by the puppet people. And three figures standing atop the ship, one in a Japanese school uniform, the other in an exterminator suit and brown robe, and the third figure wearing the most official looking suit in the room. They see that a battle is about to breakout. "Jimothy" shouts as loud as he can towards Billy, "I see you're back, Billy boy." "Stop talkin' through 'im. Jenjamin wouldn't be too pleased with ya'." Jimothy shot up, then the rat forced him into a crouch. "Oh ho ho! Don't you try some dirty trick on me!" "Do ya' really not care 'bout the life yer host?" Jimothy paused, then looked straight at Akko, Boris, and T. "I've got eyes up there, you know." T jumped as he noticed a mouse with a rat tail in its head. "Pawns, get them!" Jimothy announced, "I'll take Billy."
T leaped over the halaf-wall on the industrial rooftop, and landed on a dumpster below. His hands made an X motion across his chest, and covered him in a high-voltage "wire" of pure electricity as he dashed towards the ship. He leapt past a pawn as they lunged at him, and weaved between another two. A large pawn stepped in front and tried to claw him, but they were zapped and fell to the ground. T's electric shield faded as a group surrounded him. Suddenly, one of them was knocked over with the swing of a claymore. "Come with me!" Billy said, "And try not ta' kill Jimothy; I don't wanna have to explain that to his mom."
Boris and Akko stood back to back as they were surrounded by the puppeteer mouse's pawns. "Y'know man, I never thought I'd ever fight with you." Akko said to Boris. "Da. Me as well." he replied. The two got into ready stances, and the rat pawns charged.
- INTERMISSION -
Hello, everyone! It's viewer mail time again!
|“||Aren't you interrupting the epic and cool fight scene?|
And the answer is...
|“||does have bones?|
|“||Can you not do this...?|
Don't be silly.
|“||will collective tale has door?|
Yeah, it already does.
|“||A NUUU CHEEKI BREEKI I V DAMKE|
Please stop harrassing me.
|“||Who wrote this for me?|
I have no idea.
|“||Can we get back to the fight scene now?|
|“||You did well, you can stop now Turret.|
Who put this i- I can quit now!? NICE
Meanwhile, atop a sunbaked facility of sorts. A short distance away from a fight, where he can't be seen, someone watches. "As long as I stay away from them long enough with my cloaking, I'd be able to see whether or not this girl is causing the irregularities. I have seen a lot about this group of people while tracking them down, but I don't have enough evidence to format a valid conclusion yet. So long as I lay low, I'll be able to see if this brunette girl i-" He sees someone reacting to his monologue, so in a bright purple flash, he swiftly opens a portal away from this dimension.
"Ey, Boris! Something catch yer fancy?!" T shouts. He is in an armlock with one of the puppets. Boris rushes back to help T out. "Dah, thought I saw something, but it left in a purple blink." "Boris I'll tell ya right now, you sound insane. But help me out with these damned rats will ya? He looked at Akko, and she nodded. Boris took out a long piece and whacked a puppet with it, but another puppet crept up behind him before dropping to the ground with a zap from T. Boris twirled his tetromino around, hitting six puppets and T shot one with a lightning bolt that arced to all the others. As another one crept up behind T, Boris stabbed his tetromino out and hit them with end, and T smacked them in the head with his riot shield. They heard a sudden thud from behind, and crouched Boris with his weapon up and T with his shield in front, before hearing "You can't ditch me that easily!" from Akko. She then spun around and hit a wave of enemies with her own wave of force, knocking them all to the ground.
"Why did you kill my brother!?" Jimothy demanded, lunging at Billy with claws out. "'Cause it's my job!" Billy responded, sidestepping and blocking with his blade. "What was the real reason?" asked Jimothy, taking a second lunge. "'Cause he was controllin' people's bodies!" Billy replied, knocking Jimothy's hands out of the way, "Takin' their freedom! Agency, it's called!" then knocked him down with the broad side of his claymore. As Jimothy tried to get up, Billy pressed his foot on his chest and said "Sorry 'bout this." before plunging his sword into his left hand, pinning it to the ground. Screams and wails echoed from Jimothy throughout the yard. "Get up!" he shouted as Billy knelt down and firmly grabbed his skull, being battered with his right fist, before yelling "Get up!" again. Billy turned Jimothy's head to the side, squeezed the rat tail controlling him, and tore it out.
"..." Billy shouted more, "Get th' fuck up! I got rid of the rat, GET UP!" "..." Billy let Jimothy's head down on the ground, he was silent. He was standing on Darvo's ship, kneeling before a rotting corpse with his zweihander, the ship surrounded by an ongoing battle between conciousness and mind control.
A last screech is sirened into the setting daylight sky, as the last puppeteer mouse is eradicated from Earth's history. Billy steps down off of Darvo's ship, Darvo tells the gang he is ready to depart. "Neet fayt gais! I goddah go houm now, zee you zoun!" He is about to close the door on his ship as Billy Bones reaches out to him desperately. "Darvo! I needya to do somethin'" Darvo looks back with intruige, Billy continues: "Jimothy, can you take 'im back to Phobos for me? He should deserve a proper burial an' all that. It'd be better for him an' Jenjamin. Don't forget to tell 'er, alright?" Darvo nods as he takes Jimothy's corpse and Billy zweihander. "A! your zwordd! Wai dyoo geeve me diz?" "My sword, it's, cerimonial of sorts. Bin' passed down my family for years and, I think he should have it... I want you to have him buried with it, as a testament..." "A, no lahz againzd it, shuur!" He places safely nearby the door, and then closes it. Darvo powers on the ship, and it thrusts off towards mars. Billy attempts to cry, but sadly can't due to his lack of organs. Monika places her hand on his shoulder to help with his emotions. Akko pipes in "Well, I guess we should all head out on our ways, huh?" Boris replies, "Dah, we should." Akko uses her want to open a portal back to Luna Nova, and promises that she'll get the Higher ups to fix Boris' workplace. Boris takes his way to go and heads off towards Richwood, the nearest city to the facility. T begins to head off as well, then shouts to Billy "Hey Billy, let's meetup again sometime eh?!" Billy shouts back: "Yeah! I'll give ya a call!" Billy then looks at himself, "Well, I guess I better check out of work, I don't want ta' miss out on my pay!" He begins to head out, but Monika calls out to him worriedly: "I... I think I saw someone! Watching us during the fight!"
"I don' think they'll be an issue for us. Least not after this." Billy said, and continued on his way.
Jimothy got up sharply, Billy's zweihänder rattling to the floor. He found himself in an unknown hold, with a dull pain in his left hand covered in bloody brown rags. He tried to get up, but pulled his hand back when putting weight on it, then gingerly rolled over into a kneel and stood up. He stumbled to the nearest door, and saw from the cockpit window that he was flying through space, with a strange man in the seat. He look at him, surprised, and said "Ohh! Yorr alivve! Yuu muzt've been in zhock!"
THE END (I hope)
A small spaceship is careening through space, it's hull is stark black with neon blue lines streaking horizontally across it's surface. Inside the ship, someone is pacing back and forth, reviewing some notes they typed out on a futuristic tablet of sorts. They begin to rant to themselves: "I know I don't have enough info about that gang of people, but I recognize a couple of them... let's just go through the information again." He taps through the holographic tablet with his other hand, opening up more notes he typed out. "Yeah, that girl was from that anime that he watched a couple episodes of, I knew that much. Those three guys: the guy with electricity, T I think his name was. The Tetris Russian guy, Boris. And Billy, that robed skeleton, I definitely don't want to get on his bad side with that sword of his!" A few more taps and slides he gets to the largest amount of notes he wrote down. "Yes, Monika, she somehow managed to get out of DDLC, but that's the least of the problem. The main problem is that she is using her powers to corrupt that dimesnion. I can't actually control the fate of the dimension myself, but if I could just convince her to stop!" He hears his watch buzzing, he presses a button at the base of it so it opens up, revealing another type of holographic menu. He slides through the menu and presses a button arbitrarily labeled 'Phone'. "Oh hey J.J, what's up!... nice... me? I was just working on my side project, it's kinda stressing me out though... pizza? Sure I'd like to go out to BP's!... a'll right then, see ya there!" He presses another button on the watches' holographic display, then closes his tablet and places on a rack nearby. He then heads to the back of the ship where he gets into a strange machine, he lists some coordinates, presses a button, and is then beamed off of the ship.
Meanwhile, on earth Ed 2 was walking to another very oriental sacred place. He sat at the small stone fountain, and threw in some money for a fotune. He got into a kneeling position and begun to meditate, to clear his thoughts that so only his fortune was what he could see. As his casual thinking and other distractions melted away from his mind, his prophecy became clear. It was then that a disembodied voice had begun to speat to his inner conscience. "Haveth thine had thine daily dose of Spaghetti yet? Huh motherfucker?"
Ed 2 did in fact have spaghetti, but he couldn't let anyone know about it because it was illegal in this realm. He would usually hear this question from the voice, this didn't bother him. What followed did: "Listen motherfucker if you don't start a Spaghetti Revolution I will personally come down there and Smite Your Ass!"
When he came to, the first thing he had heard was the rushing water from the fountain. He walked over to it and saw that his change had gone, this usually happens when his fortune is to become true. It was then he had truly realized that he had become a part in something much bigger than himself, and he ran off from the fountain to get some help to start the revolution.
Back inside his black ship, someone returns to pacing through a hallway. "Well, it has been a few months since anything interesting happened there. It's probably all fine now." he yawns. "Ah, I really need to get some sleep." He heads upstairs past the cockpit to a small living space of sorts, where he promptly turns off the lights and falls on the bed... An hour or so later, he is abruptly woken by some blaring alarms on his ship. He scrambles out of bed and into the cockpit, panicking. "Come on! Why does this always happen?! AAA- think straight, think straight or you'll crash directly into it!" He frantically begins to pull some levers and push some buttons. But the nearby planet is speeding towards him. "God Damnit!" he shouts before the ship promptly crashes into a small part of some sort of forest.
As Ed 2 was running back home through the oriental forest, he heard a loud crash in a nearby part of the woods, he rushes over to investigate. He finds a mysterious ship, smoking from the seams, with a stark black hull and blue lines streaking horizontally across it's surface. A hatch opened and formed a ramp, and figure in a black cloak descended, coughing and stumbling the way down.
"Hello down there!" Ed 2 heard, "My name is
Corvo Attano Hayden, It's a fake name that I have, don't ask for my real one. I need help getting out if here, would you mind?"
"Why would you tell me that it's a fake name?" said Ed 2. He then looked down a bit and said "Well, if you help me start a Spaghetti Revolution then maaaybe I can help you out, Corvoattanohayden."
The man in the black cloak was stunned. "What the fu-, how am I supposed to help inside of a burning ship?" Ed 2 shrugs and walks away. "Fine, I'll just leave then!" Ed 2 hears something back inside the ship, only to see that the cloak was left on the ground in the ship.
Oh well, Ed 2 didn't need him anyways. He stared at the burning ship, and pulled a big gob of spaghetti out of his pocket and started chewing on it.
Collective Tale 2 was purged on April 8th, 2019 at around 11 PM EST.
As with the first game, some posts at the end were lost.